Crumbling
by RagnarDanneskjold
Summary: Lothal is free, but Ezra is gone. Sabine Wren takes it upon herself to protect his home planet in his absence, waiting for the day he will return home. But the time she spends on Lothal will not be easy, and Sabine's commitment, loyalty, and stability will all be tested. Takes place post-finale, canon compliant. Sabezra/Ezrabine shipping implied, but not actively present.
1. Denial

A/N

Alright. Well here we are again. I'm sure I'm not alone in saying the ending of Rebels threw me for a loop. I might speak more to that later, but this A/N is about this fic. This is an idea I had that came together in the few days I spent digesting the Rebels finale. With the help of some wonderful fellow writers and friends, many of whose works you might have read, I pieced together this story.

I want to make clear from the start that I see this as one _possible_ interpretation of what might have happened after the series finale. This story deals almost exclusively with Sabine. It is a Ezrabine/Sabezra story, but Ezra himself will not be appearing in it. This is basically my idea of what might have happened with Sabine in the 4-5 years she spent before the epilogue.

I say it's a _possible_ interpretation because we all know how much of a strong, confident, skilled, badass Sabine is. That is without question and I couldn't and wouldn't change that even if I wanted to. But this story will be putting Sabine through some very trying emotional experiences. If you're going into this expecting to see just the wise-cracking weapons expert we've all come to love, you may find yourself reading some things in here you might see as out of character or seem to make her seem weaker as a person.

This is not my intent. I approached this from the standpoint of a very mentally and physically strong and capable young woman, who also has a troubled past and history of dealing with emotional topics. We've seen this is the case in the show. What would 5 years essentially alone on another planet do to someone? What would being separated from your best friend (and possibly more) make you feel? What about knowing that even if it was his decision, you played an active role in helping him pull it off, and thus leading to his disappearance or possible death? I refuse to believe anyone, no matter how capable, could go through those situations without experiencing some very traumatic emotions.

This is my attempt to tell the story of Sabine's time on Lothal and how she deals with the grief from losing the most important man in the galaxy to her. Don't worry, I won't be deviating from canon and this is not an AU story, so that strong kickass Sabine we see in the epilogue who is ready to go out there and drag Ezra back home is the same Sabine this story will end with. Just her getting to that point is going to be difficult. Please bear that in mind while you read this.

Consider this your "trigger warning" for the story. It will involve depression, possible alcohol abuse, and self-destructive thoughts among other things. But like I said, it does all work out in the end. So fear not for Sabine Wren :)

Enough blathering, onto the story.

* * *

Sabine stood alone in the vast sweeping plains of Lothal, squinting at the evening sun and telling herself it was the glare that was making her eyes water. The orange drive plumes of a solitary VCX-100 freighter shrunk to pinpoints of light, then disappeared, leaving the girl well and truly alone.

It had been a pleasant if subdued affair. Sharing companionship with her family and friends, joining in the victory celebrations with the people of Capital City. Word had already stretched around the globe and spontaneous parades and parties were springing up in every city, town, village, and home worldwide. The crew of the Ghost had taken part in some of them, not wanting to appear ungracious, but also not wanting to linger. There was still more to do, for the fight, and as a family.

To say it had been a shock when Sabine finally revealed her plan would be an understatement. Zeb was confused, Rex gave her a knowing look, and Hera had almost collapsed from grief again, losing a third member of her family in as many weeks. It had taken hours for Sabine to talk Hera into the idea, convincing her that it was right. That it's what Ezra needed from her. In the end, that's what did the trick. Sabine barely remembered the words she had spoken to her surrogate mother, but at some point, while she spoke of Ezra, a new look dawned on Hera's face. She gave a slight if tearful smile, and finally conceded. They would leave, and Sabine would stay.

Each departing friend or family member had made some subtle attempt to get her to come with them. Ketsu had talked about how great it had been to work with her again, and how much she had missed it. Hondo had said he would be willing to hire her on as a probationary crew member, starting at only half a share of course, due to her skill in battle. Zeb of all people had only looked a little sad, and just flat out asked her to reconsider, right before they left. The big guy was often a mystery, but she could tell there was a deep well of emotion he kept hidden under his brawn.

She had laid their fears to rest one by one, telling them that she had things to do, that she would be fine, that she would see them again soon. Spirits were still high from the massive victory over the Empire on Lothal, and everyone couldn't hold back a stirring of confidence and hope from their unlikely victory. A victory Ezra had given them, and Sabine was honor-bound to see through to the end.

So she watched, the Ghost slowly rising from the grasslands and disappearing into the blue sky. Maybe for the last time. The first thing that struck her was the silence. So far away from the city that there wasn't a soul around. She was entirely alone.

But Sabine had been there before and knew how to handle it. Focus on the job. Get it done. Stay sharp, train, prepare. It was an old mantra that had served her well in the past and she would rely on it once again.

Sabine slowly rode the lift to the top of the tower, letting her fingers brush lightly on the rusted and grimy surfaces. At once she knew of another task she would add to her long list of toils. This place was a wreck. And when Ezra got home, which could be any day now, a few weeks at the most, she had to have it ready for him. She knew he would be unwilling to leave Lothal again for the Rebellion. That chapter of his life was over, and he would need a place to stay. No longer a homeless kid living on the streets and stealing to get by, he would be a man protecting his home world. And he deserved only the best she could give him. A few weeks was barely enough time, but she would do what she could.

* * *

"That old tower? Why the hell would you want us to do that?" the old man, manager of a local contracting firm, asked her incredulously the next morning.

Sabine knew that with all the work she had to do and in such little time, there was no way she could manage it all by herself. She needed tools, equipment, materials, as well as furnishings. The tower had stood in disrepair for what must have been decades, and every surface, component, and structure needed to either be cleaned, repaired, or replaced outright.

"Because" she started in on him, in a cool even voice, "Ezra Bridger, Lt Commander in the Alliance to Restore the Republic, and the man who just saved you from the Empire, will be coming home soon, and that is his tower. Surely you can find it in your good graces to give him a warm welcome?"

She didn't know if it was the words, the tone, or the almost menacing glare she had leveled at him that did the trick, but soon after the man was apologizing profusely and offering to send a crew right away, free of charge. Sabine was just grateful she didn't need her blasters to do the talking for her. Not that she would have taken it that far….probably. But it was sure nice not to have to find out the hard way.

"Thanks, I'll see you in the morning" Sabine said sweetly, and marched out of the office, leaving the manager in stunned silence.

* * *

"Well, now we know who inherited mother's skill at goading people into doing what she says" Tristan Wren said, standing next to his little sister and watching as the work crew lifted another panel of gleaming new durasteel into place. They had been working for two days already, and the progress was astonishing to say the least.

"And father's art skill, don't forget that" Sabine chimed smugly.

"Well, at least I got her fighting genes" Tristan replied, giving her a shove.

"You wanna go right now? Try me." Sabine retorted, pushing him back.

"Maybe another time. I do need to get back soon." her brother said, chuckling.

"What did you tell her?" Sabine asked suddenly serious and measuring his face to see his reaction.

"What makes you think I told her anything? Better to ask forgiveness than permission. She still thinks you're with General Syndulla" he told her, returning her gaze.

Sabine shuffled about nervously for a second, returning her eyes to the work being done on the soon-to-be-new and no-longer-a-communications-tower, her new home away from home.

"…and what about after?" she finally asked.

Tristan paused for a few beats before asking the question she knew was on his mind.

"I guess that depends on how long you plan on keeping this charade up. You know sooner or later she will want to contact you. And when General Syndulla or Senator Mothma can't produce you quickly, she'll know what's up. So, how long will you be here?" Tristan finally said.

"As long as it takes" Sabine replied defiantly.

"I see. That boy means a lot to you, doesn't he?" Tristan said, baiting her with a rigged question of his own.

"He's my best friend Tristan. He would do the same for me. In fact, he _did_ do the same for me, for our whole family. Surely mother can understand that. And if not, tell her I swore an oath to protect this planet until he comes home. If she is Countess Wren, she can respect that at least" Sabine bit back.

"Your best friend huh? Right." Tristan said blandly, masking his suspicions with sarcasm.

"Yes, he is. He's a better friend than I've ever had or deserved. And when he comes back this will be the first place he goes. I will be here when that happens. I know father at least will understand." Sabine told him, as if the matter were already open and shut.

"Oh, I don't doubt he will. You've always had him wrapped around your little finger. But that doesn't exactly solve the problem does it? He might be our mother's husband, but she's the leader of our Clan, not him. If she puts her foot down, I wouldn't put it past her to have you dragged back kicking and screaming" Tristan cautioned her.

"Well then, it's a good thing I have both my father and brother to defend me in my absence and help her see reason" Sabine snapped, quickly growing tired of this whole conversation.

"Is that what this is? Reason?" Tristan said, seeing her beginning to whirl on him.

"Hey relax, I'm on your side" he continued, placating her. "All I'm saying is you need to be ready for when, not if, she finds out what you're really up to. She's going to ask where all this gear went eventually" he said gesturing at the piles of stacked crates containing everything from blasters and charge packs to anti-aircraft rockets.

"I'll burn that bridge when I get to it. It's what I'm good at" Sabine said acidly, but finally noticing her brother's concerned look.

"Listen, Tristan. I'm thankful for all you're doing to help me, and I know you're putting yourself on the line for me with mother. Honestly, I shouldn't be here for more than a few weeks. Ezra is probably already on his way back right now." she told him, deciding that she really didn't need to explain her reasoning fully to him at the moment, or the lengths she would be willing to go.

"I'll tell you what" she continued, seeing that he wasn't entirely satisfied. "When Ezra comes home, we'll give it a few days and we'll take his ship back to Krownest to visit. Hera said she'll be bringing it by for me soon. I know Hera and Zeb will want to see him, so I think a little vacation might be in order after all he went through. If mother catches on to what I'm doing before then, tell her that and that I'll speak to her when we get there. That should buy me another week at least."

Tristan gave her a calculating look, as if he was already working out the things she left unsaid but decided to give up for now. "You're playing with fire little sister. Fine. And I'll see if I can't get father in on your little scheme too. Two against one is better odds."

Sabine rushed forward and wrapped her brother in a sudden and fierce hug, finally letting some of her pent-up emotion break through.

"Thanks Tristan. I knew I could count on you." She whispered in his ear. The sudden use of those words sent a shock of grief through her body and she faltered in her grip.

"Yeah, one of has to be resp-what's wrong?" he asked, feeling her shake in his arms.

Sabine quickly stepped away, taking in a deep breath and putting her mask of bravado back on.

"Nothing, just remembering something I have to do." She told him quickly. "I do really appreciate it, but like you said, you should probably get back. Don't want all of this blowing up in my face too soon"

Tristan gazed at his little sister, seeing her for the woman she had become and began to suspect that she was setting herself on a path that even she did not know the end.

"Sabine…I know you don't want to hear this…but I have to ask. Are you sure all this is worth it? I know he was your best friend and all, but you do still have us. You know that right?"

Sabine stood at her full height, which while still diminutive compared to her brother, was equally intimidating by way of other qualities. "Ezra is my best friend, and yes I'm sure this is all worth it. I'll see you again in a few weeks, with Ezra" she said firmly, closing the matter.

"And if he's not back by then?" Tristan asked, returning her glare.

"He will be." Sabine replied, and turned on her heels and strode off to the tower.

* * *

The low rumble of an engine greeted Sabine's exhausted ears one morning about a week later. It had been a very long and tiring span of days, filled with near endless toil on her other half's behalf. Every night Sabine's drooping eyes ended the day's work, and every morning she opened them groggily to begin again. But the effort had paid off, and Ezra's tower was already looking close to brand new. Shimmering white panels had replaced the old rusted façade that been an eyesore on Lothal's countryside for years. The central lift had been repaired, the power conduits replaced, the antiquated communications gear in the upper levels had been uprooted and sold for scrap. The only major tasks that remained were refitting the now cavernous and empty upper levels into something resembling a living space. Sabine would be needed to supervise that, as she fully planned on adding her own personal touches to the work.

Sabine opened her bloodshot and tear encrusted eyes, ready to begin the new day in the same manner she had every day for the past few weeks, but the low growl of a familiar spacecraft sent her bolting upright in her small sleeping pad.

"Hera!" Sabine said aloud, jumping out of bed and groaning as her sore muscles protested the sudden activity.

Sabine fumbled for a few minutes adjusting her armor and body suit, taking a quick glance in the refresher mirror before running to the lift tube. She noted that her hair seemed to be getting a little longer than she preferred, but there wasn't time to deal with that right now.

Sabine rushed out of the doors at the bottom level the moment they opened, sprinting across the old highway that led to the former LothalNet Communications Tower E-272 and toward the two ships that were even now landing in the grass just beyond the pavement. Seeing the second ship reminded her of what Hera had told her the previous week, a memory her work had put out of her mind until now. Alongside the familiar VCX freighter stood the sleek menacing shape of a black and red Kom'rk fighter; Ezra's personal ship, and for the time being, hers as well.

A pang of regret struck her briefly as she remembered that she had never been told the whole story about how he came to be in possession of Maul's ship. Maybe someday soon he would be able to tell her what had happened, and how that bastard Maul had met his well-deserved end. But for the time being, there was still more to do so she put the thought and accompanying feelings out of her mind. He was counting on her and there wasn't much time left.

Sabine jogged to the lowering entry ramp of the Ghost, expecting to see Hera striding down towards her, but was instead greeted by the low beeps and chirps of a particularly ornery astromech.

"Chopper! Be nice!" a stern voice sounded from behind Sabine, and the direction of the Gauntlet. Sabine turned and found Hera approaching, a wide smile on her face.

Sabine was on her in an instant, wrapping her arms around Hera's waist in a crushing hug.

"Whoa, easy there" Hera said laughing and stepping away holding her stomach.

"Sorry! Are you ok?" Sabine exclaimed, suddenly looking concerned and apologetic.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just been having some stomach aches lately, probably something I ate. I think something in the food on Yavin must be getting to me." Hera replied

"Well I do have plenty of those ration packs you love so much, and I can make you some tea of you'd like" Sabine told her with a smile

"That would be lovely" Hera agreed, then turned to address her mechanical companion, "Chopper, mind the ships, and run a diagnostic on the reentry thrusters. You looked a little choppy coming down"

"Ha Chopper was choppy" Sabine said with a chuckle "How was your flight?"

"Your people make a hell of a fine ship Sabine. It was a pleasure to finally get to take it for a spin" Hera replied as they began walking towards the tower.

"We make good everything" Sabine told her with a wink. "Where is everyone else? You didn't let Chop fly the Ghost by himself, did you?"

"I'm sorry Sabine" Hera said with less joviality, "This was the only time I could get away, and Zeb and Kallus are out on another supply run. It was supposed to be the three of us, but being a general does have its perks. And I just had to see you, it feels like it's been so long already"

"You're telling me" Sabine said sighing. "Still, if I had to pick anyone to come, it would be you. How about I give you the grand tour and then see about that tea?"

"Lead the way"

* * *

"Sabine this is…amazing" Hera said, stepping back out onto the observation deck after Sabine's brief tour of her remodeling project.

"Thanks…I didn't really know what else…to…you know…" Sabine mumbled, joining the older woman as they looked out over the setting sun on the plains.

Hera turned to look over the young girl, a girl no longer in truth. She was glad they could finally have a moment like this to just talk, apart from everyone and everything else. Things had changed so much and so rapidly since those days of running smuggling jobs for Vizago that she barely had any time to really think about how her own family, which she would always consider Sabine to be a part of, was doing. Hera considered that they hadn't really had a time for such things since before she had left for Krownest. Atollon had fallen not too long after, then they had been off to Mandalore, the communications dish, been conscripted by Saw, and then the events that led up to Kanan and Ezra's untimely departures. Hera had tried taking time to herself on occasion to reflect and grieve in her own way, but the business of the Rebellion was never finished, and she found throwing herself back into her work to be a welcome distraction. It occurred to her that maybe Sabine was doing the same thing.

Hera put her hand on Sabine's shoulder affectionately and told her "He's going to love it. And I know he'll be proud of you. He always is"

Sabine glanced over at Hera, noting that unlike her brother, Hera was still using present tense as well. Ezra _is_ proud of her. Not was.

"Thank you. I just..don't even.." Sabine started to say, her own stubborn nature and reluctance to allow her emotions to show fighting against the unbearable stress and pain she knew was just under the surface.

"Sabine, it's just me here. You can say it. I know how strong you are. Sometimes it's ok to just…talk" Hera said, pulling Sabine into a hug.

A million thoughts of what she could, or should, say flooded through her mind in an instant, but Sabine plucked one out among the torrent, one that had been gnawing on her for far longer than it should have been allowed to.

"Hera. I need to tell you…I'm sorry about what happened to Kanan…I know that you and him..were…I'm just.."

Hera simply stood there holding Sabine for a long time. She honestly never once even considered holding anything against Sabine about what had happened to Kanan, or after. With all that had happened, there just hadn't been the occasion for Sabine to show her any support. And Hera knew better than anyone that it was Kanan's choice to go out on his own terms.

After a long time Hera finally whispered to her "Kanan Jarrus was the best man I've ever met. I wish he could be here with us too Sabine, but I know in my heart that the decision was his. And we're all alive now because he was strong enough to make that choice, even when we couldn't. All I can do now is try to remember the good times, and live my life the best way I can to honor what he gave us. I will always love him. And I know he wouldn't want to see me living a life of regret because of it."

Sabine nodded her head, still clinging to Hera like she was still a child. Hera had known exactly what to say, as always.

After a long while of holding each other in the sunset, the two women finally broke their embrace, and if either noted the tears in the other's face, neither mentioned it. Sabine could tell that it was finally time for her to ask the question that had been burning in her heart since the moment she heard the ships approaching.

"Have you heard anything? About…" Sabine asked quietly, already knowing the answer. If Hera had news, it would have been the first thing she said when she arrived.

"I'm sorry, not yet" Hera told her apologetically. "But that doesn't mean anything. We still have people out there looking for any signs of him. I asked Mon Mothma and Senator Organa to use whatever resources they could to find any trace. They wouldn't tell me exactly what they were doing, but I've been assured that it's not nothing."

"And you trust her?" Sabine asked, referring to Senator Mothma.

"No, not entirely to be honest. But I do trust Bail. And he promised me that something is being done. He's never let us down before. And Admiral Raddus said he would use his fleet to conduct training maneuvers in the sectors along the path Ezra might have taken. I'll be the first to know if they find anything, and you'll be right behind me"

"You're damn right I will" Sabine said firmly, wiping her eyes. "If I have to go out there and drag his ass home, I swear…"

That caused Hera to chuckle, brightening the otherwise somber moment. She could only imagine the earful Ezra would be getting the moment Sabine laid eyes on him again. It reminded her of more than a few times Kanan had caught some equally well-deserved flak from her. _'Remember the good times_ ' Hera told herself. It had become a oft-cited mantra for her.

"So, do you have any plans in the mean time?" Hera asked her, delicately changing the subject slightly.

Sabine stood up and sighed, then began pacing about the observation deck.

"Some. You've seen most of it already. Getting this place ready for Ezra's homecoming has been my main focus. I think it's just about ready. He could be back any time really. I wanted to have this done for him when he gets here."

"He could" Hera agreed, though she thought Sabine was being a tad bit optimistic. Still, it hadn't really been that long, and that boy had pulled himself out of more than a few tough situations before. It didn't occur to Hera that she might be going through a bit of denial about it as well, having just recently lost both her the man she thought of as her husband and another whom she considered to be her son. It had just been too much for her, as it had been for Sabine. Hera chose to focus on Sabine rather than allow herself to dwell on her own feelings.

"What about when you're finished?" Hera continued

"Well, I thought a lot about what Ezra said to me. And I think I might know what he meant. I've been speaking to Ryder and my brother, and I think I'm going to help with Lothal's defense. Ryder is setting me up to help train some of the security volunteers, and my brother gave me some gear from my family's armory. With that and what the Empire left behind, I think we stand a decent shot at being able to hold back a counter offensive. At least long enough to get some help" Sabine finished, looking at Hera for the last part.

"If the Rebellion doesn't want to help again, you know we'll be back, just like before." Hera assure her.

"I was wondering about that actually. Why they haven't come back yet." Sabine said, the implied question obvious.

Hera sighed. "Honestly, we just don't know. This whole thing was as much of a shock to Alliance leadership as it must have been to the Empire. An entire Imperial fleet just…gone. Raddus has a few patrols in the outlying systems, and so far, they've been able to pick off the few Imperial recon teams that have been sent to find out what happened. We're hoping that they decide Lothal just isn't worth the risk right now."

"That won't stop him for long. The Emperor wanted something here. And we took it from him. I don't think he's going to forget that" Sabine replied.

"You're probably right. Mon Mothma thinks the Senate might be able to…" Hera started

"He _is_ the Senate" Sabine said, interrupting. "If he decides to come back, we need to be able to stop him."

"Well Ezra picked the right person for the job." Hera reassured her.

"No, the right person for the job is out there somewhere" Sabine huffed, gesturing up at the stars. "I'm just keeping the seat warm for him".

* * *

The two women walked amicably back towards the Ghost, neither wanting the visit to end but both knowing that it would have to soon. They had spent the rest of the evening catching up on Rebellion business, telling stories, drinking tea and munching on cookie packs from the survival rations Sabine had amassed from her brother. She begrudgingly admitted that she had acquired a taste for the freeze-dried snacks after spending so long on the Ghost. Some of Hera's peculiarities seemed to have rubbed off on her.

"Do you know what's next? For the Rebellion?" Sabine asked as they approached the ramp of the Ghost.

"Not really. Mon Mothma hasn't been very pleased with me since we got back. Not after all that happened. I think she's keeping me out of the loop for a while" Hera told her

"She never was very good at seeing who her best people were" Sabine said confidently. "If she has a problem with your leadership, she can come here and tell me about it. I'm sure we'll be able to work it out somehow"

"I'll keep that in mind" Hera laughed

"Hera…thank you. For all of this. I don't know where I'd be if…" Sabine started to say, but found herself being given another hug, just as she had when Hera arrived.

"Anything Sabine. Anything anytime. You send the word, I'll be here." Hera said, giving her a firm hug, though standing a bit away from her.

"That reminds me. Wait here" Hera told her, stepping up the ramp into the cargo bay and retrieving a small duffle bag.

"What's that?" Sabine asked, suspecting she already knew the answer.

"This is what's left of Ezra's stuff that he left on the Ghost before…Well I just figured he'd want you to have it" Hera said softly.

"You're moving his stuff out of his room already?" Sabine said, a mix of shock and pain in her voice, as if the reality of the situation was just beginning to hit her.

"Ezra will always have a place on my ship whenever he wants it, but when he comes back, something tells me you'll be the first person he sees. I think he would want you taking care of his things while he's gone. He did give you his lightsaber…Kanan told me a bit about what that means once" Hera replied soothingly

"I'll keep it for when he gets back" Sabine said, not a trace of uncertainty in her voice.

"I know you will. Take care of yourself Sabine. He's counting on you to do that too"

* * *

For the second time Sabine watched the Ghost lift away, uncertain of when she would see it again. Even when she stayed behind on Krownest she had always known she would be back before long, fighting alongside Ezra and the rest of her other family. But just as the first time she had been left on Lothal, seeing the drive plumes disappear into the night sky filled her with a crushing sense of loneliness. The soft night wind blew around her and she shivered from the chill. Yes, the chill, certainly not any reaction to the utter silence that filled the vast landscape around her.

Sabine took one long look at the bag in her hands and felt a sting of shame. She wasn't sure what sorts of things Ezra might have left on the Ghost, but it really wasn't any of her business. Sure, she was staying on his planet in his old house, but that was only out of obligation and a desire to do something for him. Rooting around through his private possessions was another matter entirely.

Sabine carried the bag over to the Gauntlet and ascended the ramp into the cockpit. She decided this was a better place than inside the tower for now. With the work crews and construction still ongoing, the last thing she need was for his last few personal items to get something spilled on them or go missing. She could bring them back in when all that was done, but for all she knew, he'd be back before then anyways. Made more sense to keep them here in his ship where it was private. She was sure leaving his stuff in his ship was entirely rational and had nothing to do with not wanting to be reminded of him even more than she already was at the moment.

The deed done, she sealed the ship and ran inside. The wind was really biting now, and she regretted not asking her brother to bring some of her cold weather clothing from Krownest. In all the time she had spent on this planet over the years, somehow, they had never visited during winter. From the chill air, this one was shaking up to be a doozy. No matter, she was Clan Wren. A little snow could never hurt her, much less a cool autumn evening.

But that didn't mean she had to like it. 10 minutes later she was laying on the couch, steaming mug of caf in hand (with maybe a little something extra added for kick), a data pad of star charts, and many hours to go before she could let herself sleep.

* * *

Several more hectic days passed, allowing Sabine to keep her mind occupied and on the near future. She knew in the back of her head that once things settled down, she would need to begin laying the groundwork for what could be another desperate last stand for the planet, but with a bit of luck, that would not be a problem she would have to face on her own. So she busied herself as best as she could amidst the bustle; organizing the gear her brother had left, arranging the new furniture around what was quickly becoming a rather cozy penthouse apartment. But as the work wound down and the last touches on the tower remodeling job, at least the parts she couldn't do herself, were finished, she found herself with something she had not had to deal with for what seemed like years: free time.

Sabine woke at her customary time of just before sunrise, something she had long since become accustomed to. Even while living in the depths of space aboard a tiny freighter, she had a habit of waking before anyone else in order to accomplish much of her daily routine free from the prying eyes and attention of the crew. She appreciated them all in their own ways of course and had grown to appreciate one in particular far more than she had ever anticipated, but she still preferred mornings to herself. The chance to wake up, made easier by being the only one of the "kids" to have her own room, work out on her own, take a shower, and prepare her own breakfast while starting her day was a much-needed touchstone for her.

So her days on Lothal took much the same pace and tenor. She was asleep just after sunset, and out doing wind sprints on the abandoned highway in front of Ezra's tower as the sun peaked over the horizon. This morning however was just a little different. While stretching in the crisp morning air, she noticed two pairs of large round eyes, concealed in the tall grass, and watching her intently.

' _Great. Fuzz demons.'_ She though to herself with. Those annoying and overly energetic creatures more popularly called Loth-cats. They would always be fuzz demons to her. Ever since Ezra had befriended a group of them while on a mission and she found them pawing all over her body and face while they laid in the grass, she had a mild distaste bordering on murderous hatred for the animals.

' _Ezra…'_ the thought of that day made her think as she completed her stretches. Quickly putting it out of her mind, she began with leisurely jog to warm up her muscles, but soon found the little felines prancing with her along the roadside.

 _'It's like Ezra put them up to it or something'_ she thought, recalling his uncanny connection to the fauna of his home planet, and how on more than one occasion he had seemed to be able to direct their actions, almost as if he could speak with them in Basic.

She continued to run faster, and they kept pace. No matter how fast she went, the cats appeared to have no trouble following, often jumping and tumbling around with each other in the process.

' _I must be the most interesting thing they've seen in a while'_

An hour passed as she moved on from sprints, to pushups, to lunges, and more. And with every change, the Loth-cats were a constant presence. Sabine finally ended her morning routine by collapsing against the side of the tower, taking a much-needed breather. And there they were again, a mere ten meters away, creeping out of the grass towards her, their perky ears and keen eyes twitching at every sound and movement.

"Go away!" Sabine shouted at them, but to no avail. They continued to move in on her, almost as if she were their prey.

Sabine leapt to her feet and charged at them, causing them to scamper back into the tall grass in a flash, disappearing from sight.

"That's what I thought" Sabine said aloud with a smug grin. Turning on her heels she walked back towards the lift to resume the rest of her day. She didn't notice the eyes were still watching her with interest.

* * *

Hera stood at the top of the ramp for several moments.

Almost an hour, actually; not until the cold evening wind swept up the ramp and made her shiver did she force her feet forward. She walked off the ship and inhaled Lothal. The air had cleared now that the Empire was no longer leeching the planet's resources and polluting the landscape, but Hera could smell the stench of fuel and fire as distinctly as if she was standing on top of the fuel pod again, like when—

She had to stand still for a second, waiting for sudden nausea to pass, and she gasped softly as she felt the fluttering low in her abdomen. She wasn't used to the sensation yet and it still overwhelmed her, reminded her of everything she'd lost, and everything she stood to gain if this war could be won—if, in the next few hours, the Alliance wasn't turned to dust by that monstrosity—

A few ships and officers had been preliminarily evacuated from Yavin, the Ghost and Hera among them. Her flying in the conflict over Scarif had scared Mon Mothma almost as much as it scared Hera herself, and the Twi'lek general agreed—without any reluctance—to depart Yavin early for the sake of her child.

She told herself that she'd be re-joining the Rebels soon. That the Empire's weapon wouldn't wipe them all out before then. She couldn't dwell on it. Horrid darkness squeezed her heart when she did. She was here to see Sabine. She focused on that instead and pulled her coat tightly around her as she walked through the whirling snow toward the tower.

The Mandalorian was waiting, ready to pounce, as soon as Hera stepped off the lift. "I almost didn't believe it when Chop commed and said you were on a landing approach! Let's go inside—it's freezing."

Hera followed Sabine into the tower and shivered one last time as the door closed behind them. She looked at the space. It wasn't as sparsely furnished as before, looking more lived-in. Hera saw gear strewn in various places, but art and paint were conspicuously absent. "You look like you're settling in well," she said brightly.

Sabine shrugged. "It still needs some work, but anything's better than how Ezra left it." If her smile faltered when she said Ezra's name, Hera chose not to notice. "What's up?" Sabine turned serious. "You're the last person I expected to see out here."

Hera nodded slowly. She walked over to the sofa, leaning on the back. She looked Sabine in the eyes. "The Empire has a weapon of mass destruction."

"That's—nothing new," she answered uncertainly. Hera felt dizzy again—how could she explain an evil of this magnitude? She felt herself turning pale. She blew out a slow breath, wrapping her arms around middle protectively. "Hera?" Sabine asked sharply. "What is it?"

"It's—they destroyed Jedha City. Their installation at Scarif—gone. And Alderaan. There's nothing left." She shook her head. "They call it the Death Star. There was—a team stole the schematics and took them to Yavin to try to analyze—but…" She closed her eyes. "Mon Mothma sent me out with the first wave of evacuees."

"W—why?" Sabine was dumbfounded, processing the enormity of what Hera just told her. "You didn't tell her she could kriff off? That's not like you."

Hera looked at Sabine. "It's not just me anymore," she said quietly. She unzipped her coat and shrugged out of it, laying it over the back of the sofa. She smoothed her hands over her abdomen and Sabine's eyes followed the new curve, the space where her body was protecting new life. "I'm pregnant."

Sabine's jaw fell slack. "Are—are you okay?"

Hera didn't know whether she was asking about her physical state or her emotional one. "We're healthy. I'm tired," she conceded, "but we're doing well."

"Hera, that's…incredible." Sabine's voice was awed, but a smile lit her eyes. "After everything you went through—"

"That's why I'm not taking any chances," she interrupted, not wanting to hear the rest of the sentence. She couldn't think about the X-Wing crash, the shock torture, the drugging. Not anymore. Not again. "I'll re-join the Alliance if and when it's safe for us to do so."

"And…what are those odds?"

Hera shook her head and shrugged. "I have Chop monitoring transmissions on both sides. We'll know soon enough. But I don't want to talk about it anymore. How are things here on Lothal?"

Sabine seemed hesitant to change the subject, but she answered. "The people here are tough. The destruction in Capital City's been almost completely restored. The mines are set to re-open in the next few months. People walk around the markets with their eyes forward. Everyone is still on guard, but…things are better."

That news was a balm to Hera's soul. "Ezra would be proud."

Sabine smiled, but it was stiff. "I hope so. Come on—give me your bag. I'll get you settled in Ezra's room. You'll like this: there's an actual bed this time."

"But what about you? I can just take the-" Hera started

"Don't worry about me. I'll manage. You need it way more than I do" Sabine told her, a bit of her own command voice bleeding through.

Sabine led Hera to the room and Hera unpacked her few things, showered, and changed into something more comfortable. She couldn't help but notice that the room was immaculate, every surface free of even a speck of dust. The bed looked like it hadn't been slept in in ages, maybe ever. _'Interesting'_ Hera thought, but quickly put it out of her mind. There were far more important things going on at the moment.

Soon she and Sabine sat down to a simple dinner. They didn't eat much; Chop started streaming transmissions from Yavin and they listened anxiously. Hera felt sick, knowing that the next hour would determine what kind of future her child would have. If the Alliance failed in its assault on this weapon, then Hera certainly expected to have a bounty placed on her head and the full force of ISB pursuing her and the Ghost. And if the Empire found out she was carrying the child of a Jedi…

She couldn't breathe.

Sabine held her hand tightly as the members of Rogue Squadron were picked off one by one in the Death Star's trenches. The weapon was within minutes of being able to destroy Yavin now. Hera pressed her palm over her navel where the baby was stirring wildly, as if aware of what was going on. _'We'll be okay, we'll be okay, we'll be okay'_ , she told her little one.

An unfamiliar voice sounded over the com channel: "You're all clear, kid! Now let's blow this thing and go home!"

Hera looked up sharply, a sob catching in her throat while Sabine whooped in triumph. They looked at each other, laughing and crying and talking about what this would mean for the Alliance. It was the group's first real blow to the Empire; one that would take a while to recover from.

At some point, their overjoyed and heartbroken tears lapsed into a deep and thoughtful silence. She felt her cheeks tingling the way they did when she was exhausted or overwrought. "I need to go to bed," she murmured distantly. But she didn't move. She glanced at Sabine. "I—I don't think I've slept since we found out about that thing—what it was, what it did to Alderaan. I wasn't—scared to have this baby until then. I—" She pressed a hand over her eyes. "I know it's not over, but I don't feel—hopeless anymore."

Sabine just blinked. "What—what are you going to do now?"

Hera hummed, resting her hands on the fullness of her abdomen. It wasn't something she allowed herself to do when she was in command on base, but now, when she was free to just be Hera, she craved that touch to her belly. She needed to feel the life and the promise that Kanan had left her with.

"Hera?" Sabine's voice and her eyes held concern.

She shook herself back to the question. "I'm—I'm going to raise our baby. Love him enough for both Kanan and me."

"Him?"

She flushed. "It's just a feeling."

"Well," Sabine said, blinking rapidly, "I'm here for you—both of you—whatever you need. Just say the word." Hera suddenly found herself crushed by a fierce and impulsive hug and then Sabine was walking away, swiping at her eyes. "Night, Hera."

"Good night, Sabine." As she watched the Mandalorian go, worry stirred; so did the baby. "Shh, love," she murmured, looking toward Sabine's bedroom. "We'll keep an eye on her."

* * *

On her way back from the 'fresher, Hera heard a crash in the kitchen, followed by a string of pained curses. She hurried toward the sound, turning on lights as she went. She squinted, eyes adjusting. "Sabine?"

"Go back to bed," she answered flatly. "I just had a stupid accident, that's all."

Hera looked at the scene: shattered pieces of a ceramic mug lay on the floor and countertop, a puddle of fresh, steaming caf likewise. Sabine cradled her right hand, the palm scalded and bleeding. Hera walked over to the sink and turned on the tap. She fixed Sabine with an uncompromising look and pointed to the stream of water. "Now."

Sabine reluctantly shuffled to the sink and stuck her hand under the cold water, hissing through her teeth. After several moments, Hera turned the water off and carefully wrapped Sabine's hand in a dish towel. "I'll have Chopper go get my first aid kit from the Ghost so we can treat that properly."

"Thanks," Sabine said almost inaudibly.

Hera gave a short sigh, looking around the kitchen. She guessed it had to be around zero four hundred, but here was Sabine wide awake and consuming caffeine. Why—

Oh.

On the corner of the table sat a holo-projector, star maps and hyperspace routes smattered against the opposite wall.

"What are you doing?" Hera asked, though she knew the answer.

Sabine's cheeks tinged pink and she shifted. "I was just—based on the heading we saw the Purrgil jump to—"

Hera crossed the room to get a closer look at the maps and her lips compressed in a thin line. What Sabine was trying to do—it was an overwhelming, all-consuming task. "Have you…been able to narrow it down?"

"Well," came the too-light reply, "I think we can probably eliminate anywhere in the core."

Hera looked at her sharply. "How often do you…" She let the question die on her tongue, not really wanting to hear the answer.

"Whenever," Sabine mumbled.

Hera took a deep breath, trying to keep calm; this was worse than she thought. Sabine fronted well, and maybe if Hera hadn't come back to Lothal this time, she'd never have noticed the tiny fractures in the Mandalorian's façade. Thank the Force she _had_.

"Do you have any ideas?" Sabine asked, suddenly hopeful, standing in the holo-projector's glow. Constellations and shadows fell across her face, highlighting her exhaustion. Hera shook her head.

"Sabine. Do you—" She stopped, and straightened, affecting her General Syndulla posture without even realizing it. "It's been months," she said gently.

Sabine's eyes flashed, immediately defensive. "I know that," she snapped. "He's still out there. He's out there. I can find him—I just need time." The young woman's fingers worked anxiously at her lips and Hera steeled herself for what she had to say next.

"Maybe you should consider easing back—for a while," she said carefully. Her eyes narrowed and she waited for Sabine's reaction.

It was too even. "What?"

"You're going to break yourself doing this, Sabine. You need to stop." Her voice was soft and imploring and that was probably the only thing that kept Sabine's temper in check.

Silence hung between them for the space of several breaths and there was something utterly devastating in Sabine's eyes. "Do you hear yourself?" She asked finally. "I—expected that from my brother, but not from you."

Hera put a hand on her hip, digging her fingers into her skin. "Sabine—"

"Look me in the eye," she ground out, "and tell me, Hera, that if there had been anything uncertain, anything ambiguous _at all_ about what happened to Kanan, that you wouldn't pull down entire star clusters to find out what happened to him. Go ahead and tell me that."

Her words were halting, harsh, uneven.

They stung.

In the first blinding second of anger and hurt, Hera wanted to open her mouth and fight fire with fire. It was a battle she probably could have won.

But she heard Kanan's voice in her mind, as clearly as if he was standing in the room with her: _Hera_ , he warned gently, _She's hurting. If you speak in anger, you'll lose her, too. Is that really what you want?_

It wasn't.

She sighed, bowed her head, counted to ten as she smoothed her hands over where she'd felt the baby moving just moments ago. "You know that I can't," she answered finally. Sabine was visibly taken aback by the calm response and Hera didn't miss how tears suddenly shone in her eyes. "And if that was the case, and if not for this child, I would have killed myself doing exactly what you're doing."

' _Maybe it was a mercy I watched him die'_ , Hera thought bleakly.

"I'll—be okay." Sabine wrapped her arms around her waist. "I just need to do something."

As if helping Lothal heal and rebuild wasn't enough. But Hera let it drop. She swayed on her feet before walking over to Sabine and hugging her close. "I know."

Hera soon felt Sabine begin to sag in her arms, and returning the favor from before, led her over to the couch. Sabine was barely conscious already, only giving the most cursory protest while Hera laid her down, tucking the nearby blanket around her. It occurred to her that she had been acting as mother for the girl, and her wayward son, for years now, and the thought made her smile. This was something she was good at. No matter what else happened, she knew she had it in her to be a good mother.

Hera quietly tiptoed back to the bedroom, casting one last concerned look towards the young woman on the couch. It broke her heart to see Sabine putting herself through all this. But one fact continued to ring in the back of her mind: Sabine was right. If she were in her place and it had been Kanan, she would be doing the exact same thing.

* * *

The next morning, Sabine was awakened by something that she had not heard in a very long time. Another person.

The scent of waffles and hot caf began to tease her back into consciousness and soon her mind was beginning to put the pieces together.

"Ezra!" Sabine shouted, leaping off the couch and looking towards the kitchen. _'He's home!_ ' part of her mind was telling her while the rest of it was remembering the previous night. He couldn't be home. Hera would have woken her. _He_ would have woken her.

Her quick steps faltered to a slow trudge as she made it around the corner to face the kitchen, her smile just beginning to fade.

"What was that dear?" Hera said distractedly, hunched over the stove and removing some freshly cooked waffles from the griddle. She turned and saw Sabine, her hair a tangled mess and a look one part confusion and one part like someone had just killed her pet.

"Sabine? What's wrong?" Hera said, quickly shutting the stove off and rushing to meet the girl at the doorway.

"It's nothing…I just thought that…Are you cooking?" Sabine said, plastering a half-hearted smile on her face and hoping Hera wouldn't press any further.

"I am." Hera said, chuckling. "Surprised?"

"No, just…do you really think you should be up and…you know…with…?" Sabine said, gesturing at Hera's abdomen.

"Sabine. I'm pregnant, not made of glass. We'll both be fine." Hera told her, taking her arm and leading her towards the dining room table.

Soon the two were sharing another meal, and one with a lot more cheer than the previous night. Both were ravenous having not eaten much in so long.

"Oh, I heard from Alliance Command while you were sleeping. There's going to be a victory celebration and some kind of awards ceremony today." Hera told her between mouthfuls

"Those are always fun" Sabine said, taking a sip of caf.

"Oh yes, a blast…" Hera said, hesitant to bring up the next part.

"My presence has been formally requested" she continued.

Sabine looked up, crestfallen that Hera's visit would have to be cut short so soon.

"But you just got here…" Sabine said, almost sounding like she was whining before catching herself.

"I know…that's not all though. They've asked you to come as well" Hera said finally, gauging Sabine's reaction.

"I see" Sabine said gingerly

Hera knew the next few moments would tell her much, and she had to play this carefully. Sabine might never admit it, but part of her very nearly _was_ made of glass right now, and Hera stood a very real risk of breaking her if she said the wrong thing.

"Everyone is going to be there. Zeb, Kallus, even that Princess we met a few years back. I didn't hear the details but I gather she was involved in the whole business. I'm sure everyone would love to see you again" Hera told her casually, waiting to see if Sabine would react the way she feared.

"I…ummm….I forgot something." Sabine said, quickly rising to her feet and rushing into the refresher.

Hera was at yet another crossroads, and over the same issue as last night. It had been nearly six months since Sabine and exiled herself to Lothal, severing both her connection to her biological family and the Rebellion in favor of remaining here, alone. Hera knew _exactly_ the sort of emotions that would prompt a young woman to go to such lengths, and she knew that if Sabine was put in a position to choose between what she thought Ezra wanted, and anyone else, anyone else would find themselves on the losing side.

She also knew that Sabine was in no condition to even begin processing what she must be feeling let alone accept or admit it. She just needed more time. Hera had her work to fall back on when she was feeling purposeless. She knew it wasn't the healthiest way of dealing with grief. She knew she would pay for it with a few premature wrinkles or a losing a few extra blotches on her lekku, but she knew it still did the trick. Keep fighting. Keeping working towards the ultimate goal of a galaxy free from Imperial rule. It was the mission that had driven her most of her life, and with a new child on the way, the results of that fight had become a lot more personal.

Sabine in her own way was fighting the same fight, and for similar reasons. And using the same defense mechanisms to keep herself sane. She might not be fighting for the liberation of the galaxy, choosing one world among many to stake her life on, but the reasons for that choice were just as personal. Hera would not, could not, make her choose.

Sabine was pouring herself into this singular goal; Lothal had been saved. Now it needed to stay that way. For Ezra. And as the Rebellion had long since become a comfortable and familiar crutch for Hera, this world had become Sabine's.

"Sabine" Hera said, knocking lightly on the refresher door. She couldn't tell for sure, but she thought she could hear light sobbing coming from the other side of the barrier.

"I'll be out in a minute…I just…" a harried voice came from the other side.

Hera knew. Sabine would not be coming with her to Yavin. And Hera could not bring herself to push the issue any more. She would stay in touch, offer whatever assistance was needed in any way she could manage, and even a little more than that, but there was nothing she could do to _make_ Sabine move on. She didn't even think she had the right to expect her to try. ' _Six months isn't that long…'_ Hera thought, already convincing herself this was the right choice.

The door opened slowly and Sabine stepped out quietly, her cheeks and eyes both showing faint traces of red.

"I'm sorry…I just…" she started to say, but Hera was already embracing her.

"You have nothing to be sorry for dear" she said quietly in Sabine's ear.

"Sometimes I forget you're not that girl we picked up so long ago. You've grown up. You have your own battles to fight and your own reasons to fight them. You don't have to be sorry or explain anything to me Sabine" Hera told her.

"I have to stay. I have to be here when he gets back. I just can't leave Hera. I just can't" Sabine said, her voice quavering but no longer crying.

"I know you do. I know love." Hera said, still holding her tight.

* * *

A/N: If you enjoyed what you just read, please go check out a few other awesome writers here on FFnet, specifically SweetSinger2010, lothcat1138, ddaulton94, and TheYellowLantern. Without their help, this story would never have happened. Seriously. Full disclosure; I was this close to being done with writing and Star Wars Rebels entirely after the finale. But those writers talked me back into it and I could not have written a word of this without their encouragement, help, proofreading, ideas, or support. No joke, this story is as much theirs as it is mine. And lastly, the illustrious SweetSinger2010 gave me the honor of actually guest-writing one of the Hera sections here. I'll let you guess which one (hint, it's the good one).


	2. Anger

' _Don't get up. Don't get up'_ Sabine told herself, rolling over irritably on the couch in the living room. She had been awoken once again by the sound of engines passing overhead. It had been the fifth time this week. And it had been many, _many_ weeks of the same since Hera had last left her, departing for Yavin and the victory celebration to which she had also been invited.

She looked at the time on her wall display while rising to her feet and dashing for the door. It was early in the morning. So early that it had no right to be called 'morning' in the first place, and Sabine had only managed to fall asleep a mere three hours before. But as the engines passed, she rose to greet them. It had become a ritual for her, checking every new ship that entered the area for a sign it might be Ezra finally returning home. She had told herself many times that it was a pointless exercise. If it was him, she would meet him eventually, and seeing the ships would not change anything. But each time, as tonight, she ignored her own advice and ran to make sure.

She told herself after each disappointment that there was a sensible reason behind it as well. That maybe it would be an Imperial vessel, an opening move in an attempt to retake the planet. She as Lothal's self-appointed protector had to be ready to deal with that threat whenever and wherever it came. She wasn't just looking for Ezra, she told herself, she was doing her duty to him.

Relief vied with despondency as she trudged back to the couch. Tonight, it had been just another freighter, carrying neither Imperial soldiers nor wayward Jedi. Just more crates of ore, food, building materials, and whatever else the slowly rebuilding Capital City needed. Sabine laid back down on the couch and tried to close her eyes, but sleep would not be coming again this night. This was another ritual that was becoming routine. After each ship, she tossed and turned in bed, trying to will her nerves to calm down for just a few hours longer. Sometimes it worked, but more often than not, she would spend the rest of the morning trying to keep herself busy and distracted. Caf helped; so did exercise, shooting practice, painting, and a dozen other hobbies and chores she used to pass the time, but as the weeks had turned to months, a growing sense of disquiet churned inside her.

' _Where is he?_ ' she thought angrily, finally admitting defeat and rising to head to the refresher. Might as well get the day started now. She would have another chance to not sleep the next night, and she had a long day ahead of her.

Sabine left the spacious living room and passed by the bedroom, his bedroom, on the way to the single refresher. She paused to gaze at the large bed, still immaculately turned out and untouched since it had been installed…what was it, eleven months ago? It looked beyond comfortable.

' _Maybe just this once'_ she thought to herself, gazing longingly at the bed. But no, it wouldn't be right. This was Ezra's home, and the new bed, like everything else, would be waiting for him when he arrived. She was here as a caretaker only, both for his planet and his home, and she wasn't sure how he would react to coming home after his long exile to find her sprawled out in his bed.

Sabine entered the refresher and peered into the mirror, groaning at the sight. Her face had become a little paler, her eyes somewhat redder, and her hair quite a bit longer, falling past her shoulders now. She really meant to do something about that, but she found herself caring a little bit less every day. Cutting her hair would involve looking in the mirror even longer and she didn't even want to think about that right now.

Sabine reached into the shower, a real water one, not the sonic showers she had become accustomed to on starships, and turned the tap on clumsily. She brushed her teeth and attended to other necessities before stepping inside the shower stall.

Scalding hot water cascaded over her arm the moment entered, drawing a frustrated yelp.

"Damn it!" she yelled, running back over to the sink and running the cold water over her reddened fingers for a few minutes.

Shutting the tap off, Sabine placed her hands on the counter and slumped down, staring at the ground.

"Can this day get any worse?" She muttered to herself.

* * *

"Mama what are they doing?" a small voice could be heard to Sabine's left, breaking her reverie.

Sabine looked over and saw a young girl, maybe four or five years old, clinging to the arm of a woman who couldn't have been more than a few years Sabine's senior.

"They're building something" the woman said gently, taking the girl by the hand. They walked closer to the site.

"What are they building?" the child asked.

"A memorial" the mother said. She looked over the recently cleared expanse of land and read the sign that had been placed near the sidewalk informing visitors what would soon take the place of the old Imperial refinery.

"What's a memorial?"

The woman appeared to pause while she considered her answer, and a dark look passed over her eyes. It was a look Sabine recognized well enough herself.

"Well…it's sort of a park where—" the woman began to explain, choosing her words carefully.

"Is there gonna be a playground?" the daughter asked, her eyes brightening at the thought of a new park.

"I don't think so dear…it's a different kind of park" the mother said, ruffling her daughter's hair.

"Oh" the child said, seeming a little disappointed, but immediately going back to her question. "So what kind of park is it?"

"Well...sometimes...when something really bad is happening to a lot of people, a few really good people stand up to help and they make the bad things stop. And sometimes…some of those good people have to go away when it's over. A memorial is something we make for them to remember what they did and say thank you. Do you remember what your father told you about the Jedi?"

"I think so" the child said, closing her eyes as if it would help her remember. "Are they the ones with the laser swords who beat up all the bad guys?"

The mother laughed, remembering the way her husband had tried explaining what a Jedi was. After the Empire had been driven from Lothal, word spread quickly regarding how it had been accomplished, and long hidden videos of the feats of the Jedi, possession of which had been a capital crime under the Empire, soon flooded the local holo-net. And her husband, like she was sure many parents worldwide had as well, was prompted to explain to their children who the men with the glowing swords were and what made them so special.

"That's right dear, the guys with the laser swords. This park is for them. It's our way of saying thank you for helping us." She said sweetly, taking her daughter's hand as if to lead her away.

"Where did they go?"

"Well, they had to go save someone else. That's what they do" The girl's mother answered hesitantly, wishing to shield her child from the harsh reality of what had really happened for just a little longer.

"Are they coming back?"

"I don't know dear. I hope so." As she and her daughter turned away, she looked up and noticed Sabine, who had been watching intently.

"Oh hello!" the woman said brightly, reaching out to shake Sabine's hand. "I'm Atarah".

Sabine hadn't even realized she had been walking closer to the pair in order to listen in, and felt a blush of embarrassment before extending her own hand.

"Sabine" she said smiling, though she didn't really feel any of the emotions that typically went with a smile. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean to—"

"Oh it's alright, I was just telling Rebekah about…well..you know" Atarah glanced at the memorial site.

"Did you know about the Jedi?" Little Rebekah asked, her eyes wide at the sight of the brightly colored Mandalorian with the long purple hair.

Sabine's heart stuttered and she froze in place, her mouth slightly agape.

"Umm yes, I did. I was—I mean am friends with them" she said finally, kneeling down to look at the child.

The woman had been watching Sabine closely, trying to piece together a memory of her own, but when she heard the words, it fell into place.

"Sabine…you mean you're…" Atarah said, looking slightly shocked to be meeting one of the Heroes of Lothal in person.

Sabine looked up and smiled thinly. Atarah was already rushing forward and wrapping Sabine in a tight hug, as if they had been friends for years and had not met only moments ago.

"Thank you so much. For everything." Atarah said in Sabine's ear, traces of tears touching her cheeks.

"I..um…" Sabine stammered, in shock at the sudden outburst of gratitude.

"You have a laser sword too? Are you a Jedi?" Rebekah asked, her eyes locked onto the hilt of the lightsaber at Sabine's waist.

Sabine stepped away in shock, barely understanding what she had meant before remembering the weapon she was keeping in trust for Ezra.

"No, I'm not a Jedi." Sabine said coarsely, voice catching in her throat. "This belongs to one of my friends. He gave it to me...because…" she took a deep breath, "because he had to go somewhere".

"If he had to go somewhere, why didn't he take it with him?" Rebekah asked

"I'm.." Sabine started, but closed her mouth and her eyes tightly, willing the tears away.

"Come dear, we should be going. Sabine is a very busy lady. We need to let her go" Atarah said to her daughter, then looked up at Sabine and mouthed 'I'm sorry', a pained and remorseful expression on her face.

Sabine could only nod her head numbly as the pair walked away.

' _Where did they go?'_

' _Why didn't he take it with him?'_

Sabine repeated the questions in her head, still staring vacantly into the work site, the sun already descending low into the horizon.

Another question, one not asked by the little girl, entered her mind as well.

 _'Why didn't he take_ _ **me**_ _with him?'_

Sabine didn't have an answer. It was a question she had always brushed aside, trusting that Ezra knew what he was doing and that he must have had a good reason for doing what he did.

But she found that the more she thought about the reason, the more it seemed like it wasn't a very good one.

 _'The Force made him do what he did. The Force took him away from here, from me. Just like it took Kanan from Hera'_

So much of those last days on Lothal had been guided by 'the Force'. Sabine had been taught about the Force when she was a child. Not about how it was a mystic energy field created by all life, or that it guided the path of the Jedi. No, she was taught that it was a _weapon_ of the Jedi. That the Force was power. Power that had been used to destroy her planet and kill her people.

It had been a very long time before her unease around Kanan's use of the Force had abated, and by the time they had found Ezra and he had begun his training, Sabine had taught herself not to think of them as Jedi, but as her friends. Friends who had used the Force, sure, but they weren't _really_ Jedi were they? So much of what they did clashed with what she had been taught about Jedi that it had been easier just to pretend that Kanan and Ezra weren't really Jedi in the first place.

But those last days gnawed at her mind. Ever since arriving back on Lothal, Kanan had been getting more and more…odd. Meditating more, sounding more cryptic and indecipherable, more distant and reclusive. Like he was looking beyond this world into something else. It was the Force that was doing that to him. And it was the Force that led him to sacrifice himself at this very spot, leaving Hera and her unborn child alone.

That had been bad enough. But then it had happened again, to Ezra. He started acting much the same, going off by himself to meditate, talking with the Loth-wolves, leading them to the temple, and then following that ludicrous plan to assault the Dome. The whole time acting like it was his plan all along, and only in the end through his message did she learn that he had been following 'the will of the Force'. And it had taken him too.

Kanan and Ezra had both given themselves over to the Force, and each in turn had been torn out of the lives of the ones they loved. It may have been 'for the best', it may have been 'the right thing to do', but Sabine could no longer accept that as a good enough reason for Kanan and Ezra to have left so much pain in their wake.

Sabine gave the memorial site one last spiteful look and turned to walk away. If this were to be a memorial for the Jedi and their Force, she wanted no part of it.

* * *

"…training program seems to be working out well in any case. I've pushed your suggestions to the local commanders and they seem to be adapting well to the changes. I'd like to schedule you for an inspection tour sometime soon if you think you can manage it. When do you think you'd be free for it?...Sabine?"

"Hmm?" she asked absentmindedly, looking up at Ryder Azadi, the restored Governor of Lothal.

"I was asking if you'd like to inspect the provincial units." He said, eyeing her more closely. Sabine had been drifting in and out of the conversation all morning and he could tell her mind just wasn't in the game right now.

"Oh, umm right. Yeah we can do that anytime you need sir." Sabine told him, trying to focus back on the situation at hand. Beneath the desk she flexed her fingers irritably and started tapping her foot on the floor.

"I told you, you don't need to call me 'Sir' _Lady Wren_ " Ryder said with a small smile. "We've been through too much for that"

"Oh yeah, sorry, just got a lot on my mind right now" she told him apologetically, trying to make her voice sound firm. It was becoming more difficult every day to stay focused on the job. Meetings with department heads and commanders, conducting training classes, more meetings with Ryder, inspecting weapons and discussing tactics, _more meetings,_ running and supervising simulations…and more meetings. She had no idea how much mundane bureaucratic tedium went into organizing a planetary defense force, but she had getting a crash course in how a "real" military was supposed to operate for months now. Most of the time she felt as if she was just another recruit, fresh off the ship and learning the ropes alongside the rest of the volunteers. The fact that they all seemed to look to _her_ to know every answer, to always have the best plan, was almost crushing. But she did it. Day after day, week after week, month after month, she endured it.

It had been so much easier when she was just part of a small cell or setting her own course as a bounty hunter. Just a simple job of her choosing. Get in, blow something up, steal something, shoot someone, get out. Hera had always been the one to handle _this_ sort of business, and Sabine was astonished she had ever been so desperate to be more involved. Even back on Mandalore, the work of running a military was based on family ties, not bureaucracies. You knew everyone, grew up with them, trusted them, and they all had the same level of intrinsic trust for you. Your position in the Clan was your position in the Clan's military. Your leader was your parent, and those you would come to lead were your children.

But this was all so new to her. More than once she had rubbed the wrong person the wrong way, and her rising frustration with the whole situation wasn't making things any easier for her. Sabine's fuse was getting shorter and she knew it.

"You sure you're feeling ok? You look a little…" Ryder said, trailing off and not quite knowing how to phrase it.

"Looking a little what?" Sabine asked, forcing the words into a polite tone, but locking onto his eyes with her own.

"I'm just saying, you seem a little…stressed right now." He told her, putting his hands up in a placating manner.

"I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me. When do you need me for the inspections?" she said, trying to dodge the issue and move the conversation past her and onto something that mattered.

Ryder gazed at her with a calculating look before appearing like he come to some decision.

"Sabine, I'm going to say this as your friend, not your commander, or the Governor of Lothal. Your friend." Ryder began, choosing his words delicately.

"I think you might be pouring yourself into this a little too much. It's ok to take it easy here and there. Lothal is an entire planet. It doesn't have to always be you all the time doing everything. How about we reschedule all this for a week or two. Take a little time off."

Sabine clenched her fists and felt her knuckles crack. Who was _he_ to start second guessing her. To start telling her that she couldn't handle it. That this wasn't her responsibility. There was only one man in the galaxy who could relieve her of this debt, and Ryder was not that man.

"I told you, I'm _fine"_ she said, letting her own voice get a little heated.

"Well frankly you don't look fine" Ryder said, getting irritated himself.

"That doesn't matter and it's none of your business anyways. We have a job to do. _I_ have a job to do. So can we please just get on with it?" she asked him icily.

"No, we can't just 'get on with it' Sabine" Ryder said, his own exasperation finally getting the best of him.

"Listen, I appreciate what you're doing. We all do. No one on this planet knows the first thing about fighting the Empire. We're a bunch of farmers and miners. You're a Mandalorian. This is what you do. I get it. But you're not doing anyone any favors burning yourself out like this. And as for the job, are you even sure you can do it? I've had three reports this month alone of you arguing with officers, being combative, and—" picking up a data pad to read the details " _challenging a brigade commander to unarmed combat in front of his unit_ ".

"That was—" Sabine started to say.

"I know what that was. And I know why it happened. And that's why I never reprimanded you for it. He was out of line and you put him in his place. But it's the way you did it Sabine. We're not Mandalorians here."

"Oh I know that" Sabine said bitterly.

Ryder ignored the obvious bait. "My point is that clearly you've got something else going on with you, and it's starting to affect how you do your job. I don't know why you decided that my home world is the place where you would plant your feet and fight the Empire, but I can take a pretty damn good guess."

"And what is _that_ supposed to mean?" Sabine said coolly. Her knuckles were white and her fingernails were digging into her palms, nearly breaking the skin.

 _"_ All right. Fine. I know about you and Bridger. I know about what he did and why he's gone. And I'm guessing that he's the whole reason you're here."

"Ezra has nothing to do with this" she bit back reflexively. Of course he did. He had _everything_ to do with it.

"Is that so? Is that why you're living in his old tower? Who do you think it was that allowed that tower to be rezoned for habitation instead of being brought back online for its real purpose? Who do you think approved the materials requests from the contractors who fixed it up? Materials I might add that could have been used in a lot more places. I did Sabine." Ryder said firmly.

"What's your point?" Sabine asked, staring at a potted plant in the corner and wondering what it would look like smashed against the wall.

"My point is that I know a thing or two about you and Ezra and I know what you're doing and why. And that's why I've been letting you help so much. That and you're the only one on this rock who knows what you're doing. But you're not going to do him or anyone else any good being so tightly wound that you're attacking your own troops out of rage" Ryder said, leaning back into his plush office chair.

Sabine was nearly shaking with fury now. First he was impugning her ability to do her job, and now he was blaming it all on Ezra. She looked at the bearded man sitting across from her, and for split second imagined reaching for her WESTAR.

"Fine" She said, rising quickly to her feet, keeping her hands knotted into fists to keep herself from doing something stupid. "I'm going now."

Sabine turned towards the door and punched the control nearly hard enough to shake the wall.

"And where are you going?" Ryder asked, getting up himself.

"I'm taking some _'_ time off'" she shouted back "It's what you wanted isn't it?"

She was gone before he could answer.

* * *

It had only been a week since Sabine had started her not-entirely-voluntary 'vacation'. The first day had been spent stalking around the tower, muttering and fuming to herself while she tried to catch up on housework. The second had been spent almost entirely in bed, deciding that if she didn't have anything she had to do, then she wouldn't be doing anything at all. The third and fourth had been more or less mild, spending the mornings reading on the couch and the afternoons working out or trying to paint.

But it was now the morning of the fifth day and Sabine could feel herself going a little stir crazy. The weather seemed to have mostly matched her mood all week, switching between a dull grey sky and a light chilly drizzle almost by the hour, and Sabine had done the only logical thing; locked herself indoors and tried to keep herself distracted if not actually amused.

But today was different. Bright morning sunshine poured through the windows in the tower, waking the young woman from an uneasy sleep. This of course, did not match her mood, and Sabine grumbled as she rose slowly from the couch to get dressed.

Autumn on Lothal was an unusually cheerful time for the citizens of the backwater world, and this autumn in particular. It had been nearly one full year since the Empire had been driven away, and the people were already abuzz in preparations for an anniversary celebration later in the month.

For one purple haired young woman, "cheer" and celebration were the last things on her mind. Sabine Wren walked aimlessly through the swarms of happy faces crowding the streets of Capital City. The metropolis was already nearly unrecognizable from what it had been just under a year ago. The noise of street vendors, speeders, construction and cleaning droids, and millions of people attending to business or pleasure in the streets and parks filled her head with noise and distraction.

Sabine's meanderings led her to a small park just outside the growing business district where she found an unoccupied bench to sit down for a rest.

' _Maybe coming out here was a mistake'_ she thought, eyeing the families and children playing in the small expanse of grass nestled between half-built skyscrapers. Sabine had been growing more and more restless and short tempered by the day. During her first few months alone on the planet she had been keeping track of the days religiously, counting down to when she knew Ezra must be arriving home. But the days stretched into weeks, and then into months. And still no Ezra.

Sabine was no fool, she knew that wherever he was he must have a good reason to be gone for so long. She was still entirely certain he was alive. She didn't know how, but something deep inside her told her that if he was dead, she would know. Maybe it could be chalked up to naïve hope, or the Force, but she just knew.

But there was something else growing inside her too, other than despair and loneliness. She had been hoping that being around other people, those that she was sacrificing her own life and happiness to protect, would help alleviate her own brooding emotions, but now that she was out here, it seemed to only be making them worse. What was building inside Sabine was a deep resentment and frustration. At what, she didn't know. But day by day she found her patience growing thinner, her mood sourer. Small mistakes and screw ups, like dropping a caf mug or stubbing her toe, which would have been mere annoyances before, were beginning to spark irrational bursts of rage. More than once she had thrown the offending mug across the room or kicked over the pesky end table that disrupted her thoughts with a shock of pain in her foot.

Her altercation with Ryder Azadi a week ago had been just one more event to add to a growing list of times she had felt her irritation getting the best of her. She'd spent the last week almost entirely indoors, by herself. She'd tried painting a few times, but the inspiration just hadn't come.

Sabine gazed passively through the crowd, watching the smiling faces, hearing the laughs, seeing the occasional hug or kiss between young lovers. But here she sat, still alone.

' _Where the hell is he?_ ' she demanded for what must have been the millionth time.

Sabine looked around and asked herself a question that had been nudging the back of her mind for a while now, and one she still wasn't prepared to confront fully.

' _What am I doing here?'_

When she first decided on this course, she had all the confidence in the world. She was taking Ezra's place as Lothal's protector until he returned. He was alive, she was sure of it, and must have been on his way back. But here they were, nearly a year to the day since he disappeared and there had been no sign or word of him since the Purrgil jumped out of the planet's orbit, taking Ezra with them. Much progress had been made in putting together a respectable defense, thanks in no small part to Sabine. She might have been just one woman, but if her experiences had taught her anything, it was that the right person doing the right thing at the right time could make all the difference and could inspire others to do the same.

But her stated goal of helping Lothal was only part of her reason. The real reason, the one that sat as an undercurrent to all of her actions since that day, was that she was waiting _for him._ And he wasn't keeping up his end of their unstated bargain. He hadn't even asked her to come with him on board Thrawn's ship. That was another thing that had been bothering her as of late. Her tired old excuses of 'it was his choice' and 'he was doing what he had to do for her' just didn't seem to cut it anymore. They were supposed to be a team. Didn't he see that? How could he have missed how close they had gotten over the past two years? Sure, their friendship had gotten off to a very rocky start, but that was far in the past. 'Sabine and Ezra' spoken by others as if they were one unit, had become the norm. They went everywhere together, did everything together; they were inseparable.

Until he separated them, _and_ without even telling her first.

"Miss, are you ok?" a voice spoke in her ear as she felt the hand on her shoulder.

Sabine leapt off the bench in a flash, whirling around and placing the arm in a compliance hold as she did so. Her other arm went instinctively for one of her blasters, and soon that too was encouraging compliance, by resting against the base of the interloper's neck.

All she had to do was twist… or squeeze her finger. A broken arm would teach whoever this was not to mess with her. And a hole in the head would make sure it never happened again. It was her decision to make.

"What the—" the man grunted, now pinned against the back of the bench.

"Don't fucking touch me again" Sabine growled, still holding him stiff against the bench. But a quick glance up revealed many pairs of shocked eyes looking at her. And fear.

"I'm sorry!" Sabine said immediately releasing the man's arm and holstering her blaster in a jerky motion, nearly dropping it in the process. _That_ had never happened before.

The stranger looked at her with uncertain eyes, not sure if he should just walk away, demand an apology, or make one of his own.

But Sabine relieved him of the choice. She ran. And she didn't stop running until she was on her speeder bike, racing for her only place of refuge. The tower.

The door hissed behind her and she fell back into it, sliding into a heap on the ground, her face in her hands.

' _What is wrong with me?'_ she asked herself in anguish.

It was just like Ryder had said. She was losing control. She'd almost killed someone today, just for asking if she was ok. A stranger saw a young woman looking distressed and took it upon himself to help. And she'd nearly murdered him for it.

Sabine unholstered the blaster she had drawn and flung it across the room in a burst of rage, the weapon smashing through several ceramic plates that were resting on the kitchen counter, sending shards all over the room. Without stopping to take a breath, Sabine reached for the next object on which to vent her frustration, and he fingers wrapped around the familiar cylinder clipped to her belt.

Ezra's lightsaber. It had barely left her side since the moment Chopper had given it to her. It was her last real tangible connection to him and as she reared her arm back to throw it too, she found she just couldn't go through with it.

' _Stop Sabine. Just stop. Breath_ e _.'_ She repeated in her mind, clenching her fist tightly around the hilt, letting the pain it caused ground her in reality.

It took a long while for her to build up the resolve to get to her feet again, but she managed it in the end.

Sabine slowly rose and paced over to the kitchen, eying the broken glassware strewn about the floor.

"Kark this" she said, turning around. She collapsed onto the couch and fell into a fitful sleep.

* * *

Sabine drifted back into wakefulness, not by a passing ship, but by a faint beeping sound. She opened her groggy eyes and stretched, trying to remember where she was. Her hands instinctively reached for her weapons, checking to see they were still there in a motion that had become habitual years before.

One of her blasters was missing.

' _Oh. Right.'_ she thought, remembering that she had thrown it across the room in a fit.

The beeping kept on. It was familiar to her now. She knew that sound. The communications panel. Sabine sat up and looked toward the source of the offending sound. The light was blinking. And not the one for a recorded message. The one for a waiting live call.

' _Kriff_ '. This wasn't good. Not one bit.

Sabine took a few steps towards the panel but paused. She could put it off. Act like she's not home. If who was on the other end was who she was thinking, she would probably have some idea of what Sabine was really up to, and being gone for a few days could be passed off as reasonable. She had an entire planet to watch out for after all.

The light kept blinking.

"Damn it! Just what I needed." Sabine groused, stomping over to the panel and smashing her finger on the acknowledge button.

"What?" Sabine nearly shouted before the holo-image could even resolve.

An unfamiliar face appeared, passive and professional, ignoring her outburst.

"Please hold for the Countess" the man said, then the projection was replaced by a floating Clan Wren insignia.

"This should be good" Sabine said sarcastically to herself. No one was listening at the moment. She leaned up against a nearby chair and tried to put on her best blasé expression, feigning indifference at what was sure to be a rather lively discussion.

Minutes passed, and Sabine almost began letting herself feel a faint hope that her mother would be unavailable and this whole thing could be put off for another day. Her arm stretched out to the com panel, inching closer to the termination control.

Too late. The projection flickered again and the stern and life-size visage of Countess Wren, her mother, appeared directly in front of her.

"Smart of you, to get your brother in on your plans. I should have known you would try something like that" Her mother started in on her immediately.

"Thanks. Glad you approve. Nice chat mother, we'll have to do it again sometime soon" Sabine said, pretending that her mother's attitude had no effect on her and reaching once again for the panel.

"Wait" Ursa said tiredly.

Sabine paused. Even through the translucent image the weight and stress of years could be seen on Ursa's face. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and then continued.

"I am sorry for that. I should have been more…diplomatic". She said finally

"Diplomatic?" Sabine scoffed. "I'm your daughter, not a rival clan leader. How about talking to me like you care about me, not about the outcome of some negotiation".

The rebuke caused Ursa's eyes to flare for a moment, but she held back whatever scathing comment she might have been thinking of.

"You're right. You are my daughter and I will hear you out".

"Thanks" Sabine said sarcastically. She might have been right about Ursa, but her mother's attitude wasn't the only thing working against them.

"Well, please tell me. How have you been?" Ursa asked, trying to sound friendly and actually succeeding more than one might expect.

"Fine." Sabine said, not looking up at the image.

"I see. Your brother tells me you're no longer with the Rebel Alliance. Is this true?" Ursa asked, trying to get something, anything, out of her daughter.

"I have another mission right now" Sabine told her, trying to frame her activities in a way her mother would understand.

"I heard. Protecting Lothal is it?" the elder Wren asked

"Yes." Sabine said simply. She didn't want to give away anything for free.

"And what of Ezra Bridger? Is that not his responsibility? Where is he?" Ursa asked, getting closer to the truth.

"He's...he's not available right now. I'm taking his place until he gets back" Sabine told her, unable to keep the uncertainty out of her voice.

"So he's not on Lothal with you?" Ursa asked.

"No" Sabine told her, getting quieter and folding her arms defensively.

"Sabine…tell me what is happening. I haven't heard from you in a year. You're not with the people I entrusted you with last we spoke. This boy who couldn't be found more than a meter from your side the entire time you were home is simply…gone? And now I find you've walked away from everyone? General Syndulla, the Rebellion, your own family?"

"It's not that simple mother" Sabine said, grating her teeth.

"So, simplify it for me. Where is Ezra Bridger?"

"He's gone. Just drop it". The aggravation in Sabine's voice heightened with every syllable.

"I will not drop it Sabine. You're acting very unlike yourself and clearly, he has everything to do with why. I have a right to know what he's done to you to make you act this way" Ursa demanded.

"First, he hasn't _done something to me_ , and second, how the _hell_ would you know if I'm acting unlike myself? You've barely spoken to me since we came to Krownest. When I exposed what the Empire was doing on Mandalore, you drove me away. You almost had me _shot_ when I came home and then nearly turned me over to Saxon. So forgive me if I don't think you have a right to know what I'm doing or why" Sabine nearly shouted at her.

Ursa simply stared for several moments, looking almost…hurt, if you knew what to look for. She was a woman of iron will and kept many things close to the chest, but she did truly love her daughter.

"I had thought we settled that matter before" Ursa said quietly, sounding more like a tired parent than a Clan leader.

"Well maybe you were wrong." Sabine spat. "And maybe you're right. Maybe this does have everything to do with Ezra. And maybe that's because he's the one person who has never, not _ever_ given up on me, or turned against me, or tried to use me or done anything but try to keep me safe and trust me to do the same for him"

"Your father warned me of this…but I didn't listen" Ursa said softly, starting to understand what was really going on.

"You didn't listen? I'm shocked. And warned you of what exactly?" Sabine narrowed her eyes at the hologram.

"That you're clearly taken with the boy. I…expected this might happen sooner or later I just didn't expect…." Ursa trailed off in a very rare moment of speechlessness.

"I am _not_ 'taken with Ezra'" Sabine shouted suddenly, then grew quiet again just as quickly. "He is my _best friend_ and I owe him everything. More than I owe _you_."

Ursa simply sighed. Sabine would never believe it, not now at least, but she did know something of what it was like to be…fond of someone in this way. And what sorts of things it could drive someone to do. In truth, she didn't have anything against Ezra. He had proven himself a worthy warrior and an honorable man once, and she found that under better circumstances, she might be amenable to a union between her daughter and him. But the circumstances were not better, and the Jedi was apparently nowhere to be found, and hadn't been for a very long time. Ursa had Sabine to worry about now, and it would not do to allow her daughter to wither away pining after some boy who clearly didn't see fit to even tell her where he was or when he'd return.

"Be that as it may" Ursa said crisply "you are still my family, and I will not allow you to waste your life simply waiting for some boy to come back to you."

"You won't allow me?" Sabine said, gaining steam. "You won't allow me? I am not wasting my life! And how exactly are you going to stop me? Send your guards to come carry me back to Krownest? Send Tristan? Are you planning on holding me there like a prisoner? Because that's what you'll have to do you know. Lock me up just like father was. Because one way or another, I'm coming back to Lothal."

That scored a hit, and Sabine knew it.

Ursa drummed her fingers on the armrest of her throne and waited for several more moments before continuing, giving Sabine a calculating look the entire time.

"No, I don't suppose you _would_ let me bring you back, or keep you here. That much is clear now in any case." Ursa said coolly. "Nor should I expect you to. There is more that is clear to me about all of this, even if it is not clear to you."

"What are you saying?" Sabine asked, some of the fire going out of her words, replaced with worry

"Only this: I will allow you to stay on Lothal, on this mission of yours, given you accept the following conditions." Ursa told her.

"And they are?" Sabine asked, not sure she wanted to hear the answer.

"First, answer this question for me. You've been there for a year, no word from him? No idea where he is?" the elder Wren asked.

"No" Sabine said, answering both questions.

"And you're certain he is still alive?"

"Yes. Absolutely certain." Sabine confirmed, her voice again growing hot.

Ursa paused before delivering her ultimatum.

"Very well then. You say that he is absolutely alive and you must stay there and wait for him to return. You say you owe him everything, that somehow he has earned this loyalty from you where no one else has. Your family here on Mandalore is still fighting for our own freedom, and you will not return to us. Your friends in the Rebellion are out there this moment fighting for theirs, and yet you still choose to walk away from it all. Ezra Bridger _left you there_ on Lothal, with no word of where he was going, what he was doing, when he would return, or what you are supposed to be doing in the meantime. You've decided to simply set down all of your obligations, your responsibilities, your cares, your own family and friends, to honor him above anyone else. Fine. I can accept that you've taken this upon yourself, for now." She paused again, drawing a deep breath. Her jaw was set in a hard line as she continued.

"But my second condition is this Sabine. Ask yourself _why_. While we risk our lives for Mandalore, while General Syndulla risks hers for the rest of the Galaxy, while your friends and family are putting their lives on the line, and you simply walk away to wait it out, ask yourself why he deserves this. You seem to be giving him the rest of your life. Does he deserve it? Has he earned that? If he has, shouldn't he be there with you right now?" She shook her head and folded her hands. It was her "end of discussion" look. Through the holo, she locked eyes with Sabine. "When you're ready to come home, I will be ready to welcome you back."

The image of the Wren matriarch vanished before Sabine could even open her mouth in answer.

* * *

Sabine was still fuming an hour after her mother had unceremoniously terminated the call. She had eventually begun cleaning up the broken glass that was still scattered around the kitchen, more so to give her something to do than out of any desire for cleanliness at the moment. She found that it helped her sort out her many competing thoughts and was at least somewhat productive.

But when the task was finished, along with several other housekeeping chores she had been putting off for weeks, she realized that she was no closer to making any kind of decision or getting to the heart of what was making her so angry all the time.

' _Ezra'_

No, it couldn't be Ezra…could it?

Sabine set the scrubbing pad down and looked up around the open living space, small beads of sweat already forming on her brow. Kitchen, clean. Laundry, done. Refresher, scrubbed spotless. Even Sabine's recently neglected art supplies, which usually lay in a state of organized chaos, were now just organized, wiped down, and placed on a desk in the living room. She had even cleaned the nozzles of her applicators, something she had been meaning to do for months.

But her head still pounded from the building stress and desperation.

' _Where the hell was Ezra?'_ she asked herself again, looking over the now immaculate apartment. As her eyes passed over each surface and piece of furniture, she was struck by how much it had changed since she had first moved in. Her jacket was hanging by the door, her landscapes were hung on the wall, her weapons maintenance gear was stacked neatly on a work table. Even the color of the walls and furniture was of her choosing. Sure, much of it was some shade of orange or blue, but they were still her choices. The tower was…hers.

And it wasn't supposed to be. This was all wrong. The whole point of coming here and fixing this place up was to give _Ezra_ a home he could feel welcome in.

So why did it feel like she was falling into a rut? Why couldn't she shake the sensation her whole life had been put into a holding pattern and she was just waiting for something?

Because, she reasoned, she was. She was waiting for him. Or at least that's what she started out doing. Her entire mission for the past year had been to take his place while he was away. Granted it wasn't something he had _told_ her that she needed to do. But he had implied it.

Hadn't he?

"I can count on you." His message had said. Nothing more. No hint or sign as to what he was counting on her to do and for how long. Sabine wracked her brain yet again over those last days, memories which had not faded one bit, for any clue she might have missed. His meditation. The attack on the base camp. The ride to the Imperial dome. And finally, their wordless conversation before he had left her here. Their eyes had said so much to each other in that moment, but there was so much more left unsaid. Things that needed to be addressed but they had never had a chance.

Sabine always figured they would have that chance someday, but it just didn't work out like that. The Force had guided him along a different path, one that took him away from her, and left her here to pick up the pieces. Do his job for him.

Sabine threw the scrubbing pad into the sink and walked over to the gym area she had set up. She told herself when purchasing the equipment that it would be for Ezra's use. He had certainly taken to exercise over the past few years of their partnership and had the muscle tone to show for it. She hadn't failed to notice _that_ despite giving it a good try at first. But she also knew that the exercise gear, like almost everything else in the apartment, had been selected for him…but not _just_ for him.

It wasn't something she had done intentionally or consciously. It just seemed that whatever she knew would be best for him or he would like the most, somehow it was also what she wanted. The large skylight installed in the ceiling reminded her of all the nights they had spent in the _Ghost_ turret watching the stars go by. The dining room table with the dejarik projector built in had been a smart move on her part, because she knew he loved to play. The fact that he loved to play _with her_ didn't seem like that big of a factor. Even the extra-large bed in the bedroom had been her way of making up for him being crammed into a bunk with Zeb for 4 years. She hadn't picked it because it could comfortably sleep two of course.

Sabine stripped down to her sports bra and put her hair up in a tight bun, a skill she had learned very recently as she had never had to deal with quite so much hair in her life. Taking a roll of athletic tape from a shelf, she wrapped her hands and began stretching in front of the punching bag. She had a lot more of…something to work out of her, and cleaning hadn't quite done the trick.

Sabine began slowly, working on her basic form, her muscles repeating the motions memorized since childhood. A straight right punch, a low kick, a left block. She began speeding up as her mind raced through what was still eating at her.

" _You seem to be giving him the rest of your life. Does he deserve it? Has he earned that? If he has, shouldn't he be there with you right now?_ "

Her mother's words repeated in her head. It infuriated her to hear them at the time. It made her blood boil that her own mother would have the nerve to question the integrity and honor of the man she had come to care about so much, right to her face and behind his back. But now it made her furious for another reason. What if she was right?

Sabine stopped suddenly and look back over the familiar apartment, seeing how it had become hers slowly enough that she had never noticed until now. Was she really giving him her life? She couldn't deny that it looked that way. Her life had been on a certain path since childhood. Always running from something. From the Academy, from her family, from Ketsu's betrayal. She thought she had finally found her place in her new family, but now like Ketsu, everyone else seemed to have moved on. Hera and Zeb were still with the Rebellion. Ketsu had taken a job with Hondo. Even Jai and Mart, two people she could barely be in the same room with for as much as they reminded her of an early Ezra, had both left Lothal once again and gone with Hera to the war.

And Ezra and Kanan…well she knew what had happened to them. The Force had happened to them. The Force had told them to leave their loved ones behind, and they had obeyed. Leaving her still here. The last one left from the motley crew that had driven the Empire away. The job had been finished and everyone else went on with their lives. Except for Sabine.

Sabine gave a sudden yell of rage and struck the bag with all her might, shaking the stand and bruising her knuckles even through the tape.

"Damn it! Where the fuck are you?" she yelled aloud to the empty room, as if somewhere out in the galaxy Ezra would hear her and give a satisfactory answer.

But the room was silent, and she was no closer to knowing that answer as she was a year ago.

" _Does he deserve it? Has he earned that? If he has, shouldn't he be there with you right now?_ "

Of course he had earned it. Of course he deserved her devotion, right? No one else had been as loyal and understanding as Ezra. Sure Hera, Zeb, and Kanan had all become dear to her in ways she could never put into words. They really had become a family over the years, and she had to admit that Kanan had been as near to a father to her as Alrich, and Hera even more of a mother than Ursa. But she also knew that it was Ezra who had become truly special to her. He was the one always with her, never doubting her, never giving up on her, never placing himself ahead of her in anything. Yes, the same could be said of the others, but for Ezra it was just… _more_. Some undefinable quality that she could never explain or describe, but was no less real. He had become more to her than anyone else, and it was why she was here right now, and not with them.

But her mother was right. He should be here right now too. Sabine knew what had been happening with them, the way they had gravitated towards each other more and more over the last few years. The way they just seemed to fill in something for the other that they couldn't do on their own. She never admitted why that might be the case, though she knew others had expected it. Her own mother had said so herself, and she had only seen them together for a few days.

" _You're clearly taken with the boy"_

 _"_ Well maybe I am!" she shouted to herself, ripping the tape off her hands and throwing it carelessly to the ground. Her hands where white and shaking, and she knew her face must have been bright red.

"And I thought you were too" she whispered quietly. "But I guess that wasn't good enough"

She could finally put a word on what she was feeling. Betrayal. That was it. Ezra had betrayed her. What did it matter that he did it to save her, or others, or his planet, or any of the rest. In the end, he hadn't even seen fit to tell her the plan. They'd been a team, done everything together, and he had simply decided to walk out on her without even telling her why, and expected her to help him do it.

She had. And she hated herself for it. Almost as much as she hated him for asking her.

' _So what are you still doing here?'_ the thought echoed through her mind again.

' _There are still people fighting elsewhere. People who need you. People who trust you enough to tell you their plans, unlike Ezra'_

Sabine stomped angrily over into the kitchen, feeling the familiar weight bumping against her hip as she did. Pulling a glass from the cupboard, she poured herself a generous helping of Tihaar and guzzled it down, savoring the burning sensation in her throat.

She reached for the object at her waist and unclipped it in order to get a better look.

Ezra's lightsaber.

" _Why didn't he take it with him?"_

"Good fucking question Rebekah" Sabine said bitterly, setting the hilt on the countertop. She didn't really feel like looking at it anymore.

Why hadn't he? Because he knew he would get captured, and he knew that if he had it with him, it would be taken. So he'd given it to Chopper to give to her. The knowledge of what that meant had comforted her on more than one lonely night in the tower, reaching out with clumsy fingers after waking to make sure it was still on table where she left it. A lightsaber is a Jedi's life as the saying went, and in a way, he had given his life to her.

But it wasn't so comforting now, as she pondered the details of how it had come into her possession. Ezra said he saw many paths, but how did it all add up? If he had given it to Chopper before he left, that meant that he knew this path was the one he would have to take. He _knew_ he would be leaving her, and he never even said goodbye. There had been chances. There had been things he could have said. Even if she accepted that he couldn't tell her the whole plan, to tell her nothing at all? Nothing?

" _I can count on you"._

' _Yeah well that was supposed to be a two-way street Ezra_ ' she thought acidly, arguing with him from afar. ' _I was supposed to be able to count on you too'_

But he was off doing _Manda_ knows what while she worked her ass off to protect his planet, something he should have been doing himself, or at least with her.

' _A whole lot of good that's doing'_ she thought, thinking back on what Ryder had told her. She didn't want to listen to him either, but like her mother, he had made some good points. Her performance lately wasn't exactly something to make anyone proud, least of all Ezra, if he had even bothered to stick around long enough to see it.

The stress of the job had been getting to her. and more frequently, she found herself just wanting to fight someone. Not teach others to fight, but to let her anger vent on the nearest target and damn the consequences. She'd almost done so more than once, and apparently it had become enough of a problem to make it all the way to the Governor's desk.

"What am I doing here?" She asked herself again.

She went over the oft-repeated answers, but found new counterpoints she had never considered before.

Protecting Lothal, but not doing a very good job. Waiting for Ezra, but she had no idea when or even if he was coming back. Her two biggest goals in life at the point seemed to both be fizzling out, leaving just a lonely girl in a solitary tower doing…what exactly?

"I don't know" she answered herself. Saying the words seemed to trigger something deep within her. Shock and revulsion that she was giving up on something that had seemed so solid and unchanging before. But relief too. She felt like she was freeing herself from some prison of her own making.

What _had_ Ezra really done to deserve her spending her life on this backwater world while others fought at died? What could he really expect from her when he had clearly made a choice of his own, to follow the Force instead of sticking with her where he belonged. He didn't tell her anything, not about his plan, his mission, or even a word of what she had meant to him. Or what she _thought_ she had meant to him. Now she couldn't even be sure of that anymore.

All those years of trusting and relying on each other, telling each other everything from favorite foods to deepest fears, and what had it earned her? Apparently not enough to even let her know his time with her would be ending and give her a chance to accept it, to clear the air with him. Wasn't it time she started asking herself what she deserved? Because she didn't think this was it.

"It isn't." She said finally. "I deserve better than this. I earned more than this."

Sabine began pacing from room to room, picking up various bits of gear and personal items, throwing them into a bag while she raged audibly to no one.

"I deserved to be told what you were doing Ezra. I deserved to be asked how I felt. I **deserved** " she said, slamming her discarded blaster back into its holster "to be told how _you_ really felt!"

"We were supposed to trust each other. We were supposed to be a team. You were supposed to trust that I would have done what you asked, or gone with you to the ends of the galaxy. And without the need to _lie_ to me to get me to go along with your bullshit plan!" she screamed.

"Fine Ezra. Fine. You left me, so fair is fair. I'm leaving too. Lothal will get along just fine without me. At least as well as you are. I'm fucking done with this".

* * *

Sabine stormed out of the tower, a bag in each arm, ready to finally get on with her own life. She didn't quite know where she was going or what she would do when she got there, but anything was better than this. As she made her way across the pavement towards the waiting Kom'rk fighter, two sets of large feline eyes tracked her from behind the tall grass.

Sabine stomped up the ramp of the Gauntlet and threw her few bags into the corner with rage, ready to get the hell off this planet and be done with the entire affair. She flipped switches aggressively, beginning the ship's startup procedure.

Her last day on Lothal. It couldn't have come soon enough.

' _I can count on you. Kark you Ezra. Did you ever think that maybe I was counting on you too? Did you even think about what this would do to me? Of course not. You had to go off and be the Jedi hero saving the day, leaving the rest of us behind.'_

Sabine looked around the cockpit, waiting for the engines to reach full liftoff power. She stared at Ezra's lightsaber, still in her hands, and felt nothing but disgust. That's when she saw it. A small duffel bag sitting on the copilot's seat. Just the way she had left it a year ago. She moved to open the bag, needing to get the object out of her sight and hopefully out of her mind as well.

' _This can go with the rest of his stuff'_ she thought, opening the top of the bag to stuff the weapon inside.

There was one object on top, a small flat rectangular shape, something oddly familiar…

' _Ezra's data pad'_ She thought at once, the recognition bringing back a stream of memories into the forefront of her mind, which she quickly banished.

"You think you're the only one who can leave cute little messages that send everyone else's life into a tailspin?" Sabine said aloud, her voice bitter and resentful, but bordering on tears.

"I've got a message for you too Ezra."

Sabine reached into the bag and retrieved the pad, no longer giving a damn about his privacy.

She turned on the long dormant device and began thumbing through menus to get to the video function. She'd have a message for him alright. She'd tell him what an unimaginable bastard he'd been. How he left her here and hadn't told her a thing about where he was going even though he'd known it would happen. She'd tell him that she was done with him, his fucking plans and schemes, and that if he was going to let the Force tell him how to live his life, well that was just fine. Just don't expect her to play a part in it anymore.

Sabine's hand hovered over the record button, but her eyes lay elsewhere. On the screen was a list of previously recorded holos. The one at the top read simply "For Sabine".

Her thumb twitched. She pressed down, meaning to start recording one of her own, but saw that she was pressing the playback button instead. The device chirped. The projector flared to life. And the life-size image of Ezra Bridger, blue and transparent, but no less attractive or admirable, appeared before her. He looked exactly the way he had the day he left.

It began to speak.

" _Sabine. Take a deep breath. You're going to be ok."_

She did, closing her eyes and letting his sweet yet masculine voice, one she realized she had been craving to hear for too long, dance inside her mind and calm her nerves. It had an almost narcotic effect on her at once. She wanted to fight it, hold onto her anger. Wrap her indignation around her like a blanket and just go. But she couldn't. He was having that effect on her again. It was like he'd never left.

" _Just relax. You don't have to go anywhere yet. Just breath_ e _Sabine. You're going to be ok."_

The image stopped speaking, and she simply sat in the pilot's chair, breathing heavily and feeling the rage ebb out of her through her shaking hands.

After several moments, it spoke again.

" _I know what you're going through right now Sabine. I know what it feels like. You feel you're all alone, that no one understands what you're doing. That no one understands you. You feel like you've been left here by yourself and that everyone who's ever cared about you has moved on to something else. I've been there Sabine. And you know what got me through it? You. You were the one who helped me see that Hera and Kanan could be there for me when I needed someone. That I had a family again. You're the one who helped me every time I needed it. You're the one that stayed by my side, kept reminding me of what we're fighting for._

 _It's funny, we never seem to be able to get through to you without getting you mad first. Maybe it's a good thing you're so mad right now."_ The holo-Ezra said with a chuckle.

Sabine looked up sharply. Was this live? Was this actually Ezra talking to her in real time right now? But no, the screen showed that the pad was clearly playing a recorded message. She had to be sure. She tapped the pause button and the image of Ezra froze in place. ' _What is going on here…´_ Sabine wondered in abject confusion.

She pressed play again, and the recording resumed as if it were a real conversation being played out before her.

" _I remember back on Atollon, when you were training with the Darksaber, Kanan pushed you so hard, and you just kept pushing back. I thought you really might have killed him when you were standing over him like that. But it worked. You started letting us in. It's just like you to keep everything bottled up until you can't take it anymore. I guess I just got used to it after so long. I always knew there was more to you underneath, but getting you to open up always took something big._

 _You're always so hard on yourself. You always seem like you're pushing yourself to live up to some impossible standard, like you're repaying a debt you can never wipe away. I know when you look in the mirror you see a failure. You see a daughter who doesn't measure up to her mother's expectations. You see a Rebel who left the Rebellion. You see a leader who has so much piled on her shoulders that it's going to crush her, but you can't let anyone down, so you add more. You see a girl who let her best friend sacrifice himself so she could live, and it's all eating you up inside. You feel useless, guilty, and alone._

 _Let me tell you what I see. I see the best friend, best warrior, and best woman I've ever known or ever will know. I see someone who has never, not once, let me or anyone else down while she could still breath_ e _. I see someone who has so much life in her that she's bursting at the seams. I see someone who will have my back in a fight any day, and be laughing and playing cards with me that night. I see a daughter who makes her mother proud every day, both of them,_ _even if she doesn't always know the best way to show it. I see someone who I could spend the rest of my life with and never feel like a second was wasted as long as it was with you. I see someone who is strong, loyal, beautiful, honest, and makes everyone around her feel like things will be ok as long as she's around. I wish you could see all of that in yourself too._

 _I can promise you, you're not alone. You'll get past this like you always do, and it will all work out in the end. You have to trust me on that. I can't tell you how I know it will, just that I do know it, and I need you to believe me. I told you before, that I saw many paths. Not all of them were mine though. If you're seeing this, you're on one of those paths now Sabine. I can't tell you everything. I don't even know it all myself. But I know this. It all works out. We're going to see each other again._

 _Please, just don't give up on me. And more importantly, don't give up on yourself. This isn't the end Sabine. I know we have to do this part separately, but what comes next, we'll do together. You can count on me for that._

The image of Ezra appeared to reach out for something, likely the recorder controls, but it paused, looking straight up and seemingly right at her.

 _"By the way…your hair. It looks good longer. I think you should keep it. Probably a good idea I said that now when you can't hit me"_ the image of Ezra said with a laugh, causing Sabine to look up at him.

" _Last thing Sabine. Trust Hera. She loves you, almost as much as I do. I know I can't be there for you right now, but she can until I get back. Let her help you._

 _I'll see you again Sabine. I don't know when, but I know I will."_

The image faded and the cabin was left with only the blinking lights of the control panels, the chirps and beeps of ship systems, and one young woman, crying alone.

* * *

Sabine didn't know when she'd fallen asleep, only that she woke up, curled into a ball, still holding Ezra's lightsaber.

' _He gave this to me to keep. Not Hera, not Zeb; me. It was his life, and he gave it to me.'_

Sabine slowly rose to her feet and looked at the controls to the fighter. She still had a decision to make, and for the first time in what seemed like ages, she knew exactly what she had to do.

"Sabine? What's wrong?" Tristan Wren asked from the other end of the superluminal connection. He looked annoyed and only half awake, like she had woken him up, but when he saw her face, his own softened to one of concern.

"I need…you…to come here. And bring Rau with you" Sabine said brokenly, having to choke out the words at first, but feeling her conviction growing. She was doing this. She wasn't backing down this time.

"Bring Rau? Just him? Is there a battle? I can assemble a team if you—" Tristan began, but Sabine interrupted him.

"No, not a battle. Just you and Rau. I need you to come pick up this ship and take it away from here. It's yours until Ezra is back." Sabine said tiredly, her own exhaustion and stress bleeding off of her, but her voice firm and resolute despite it.

"You're giving me his ship? What about you? What if you need to come home?" Tristan asked, seeing his suspicions come to fruition but not quite believing what he was hearing.

"I am home."


	3. Bargaining

The alarm went off at 0500 as usual, and Sabine's hand smashed the snooze button, also as usual. She stretched in place, pulling the covers back over her body from where her thrashing the previous night had left them. Shivering for several moments while the warmth the blanket provided eased her discomfort, Sabine lay in bed simply staring at the ceiling, lost in thought.

It had been six months since she had come as close to leaving Lothal as readying her ship for takeoff—just a few start-up sequences away from abandoning her obligation to Ezra. But a series of events had transpired that she now understood were part of her destiny. Or at least, they would be if she really believed in that sort of thing.

But in any case, someone had seemed to know that she was on a path that would drive her to almost give up, and had laid down a plan years ago to provide encouragement and strength when she needed it most. That someone of course, was Ezra Bridger.

Sabine still didn't understand how or when he had managed to make that second holo-recording, the one meant for her eyes only. Chopper had recorded, and played, the one meant for the entire crew, during one of the very few times Sabine had not been at Ezra's side in those last days before he left. But from what he had said in the more private message, he clearly had seen many things beyond what lay directly ahead in the battle for Lothal. He had seen her, even as she was over a year later. He _knew_ she would want to give up. He _knew_ that she would be at the end of her rope, filled with so much anger and resentment that she would be willing to back out of a debt she was honor-bound to keep. He had even _seen_ her as she was then.

It was just another way that Ezra had been taking care of her. Even while he was gone, it felt like he had been at her side all along, giving her the hope and support she needed at exactly the time she needed it. She felt like such a fool now, to have been so willing to walk away. To have doubted him or his intentions.

But that was now behind her. That very night, she had made a decision that would come to define the rest of her life. It wasn't one she had intended to make even five minutes before. She had never even given it serious thought. But when she decided that Lothal would not just be her next mission, but that it would be her _home_ , something clicked, and she knew it was right. Ezra told her that he had seen many paths, and that the one she was on was something he had seen, and she was absolutely certain that decision was a step along the path she was meant to take.

Her brother of course, was harder to convince. He had come as she asked, with Fenn Rau in tow. The last remnants of her anger had been spent that night as she vehemently argued for exactly what she had been dead set against only hours before. Her packed bags were still laying in the cockpit of the Gauntlet as she swore to Tristan that she would no longer consider Krownest to be her place, even if Ezra were to never return.

In the end, it was Rau who took the young man aside and made him come around. Sabine never found out what Rau had told him to change his mind; but nearly half an hour later, both men returned from their private talk, Tristan with a look of resignation and regret on his face, and Rau with only an odd knowing smile. Embraces were exchanged, oaths of loyalty were renewed, and soon after two ships left Lothal where only one had come. And Sabine was left without an escape. She would live- and possibly die-here on Lothal. Since leaving the academy, Sabine had seldom stayed on a single world for more than a week at a time. She'd never stopped running, yet now, she'd chosen a permanent home. She was surprised by how right it felt.

What to _do_ with her newfound life-plan of course, was another matter entirely. She had returned to Ryder the next day, apologizing profusely for her behavior of the preceding months, and towards him personally. She didn't tell him much about why her spirits had lifted, but something about his peculiar smirk had told her that he knew more than he was saying as well. And when she had asked about applying to become a full citizen of Lothal, the fact that he had the files ready to send to her on his own terminal seemed a little _too_ on the nose. But he didn't make much of a big deal out of it either, aside from his wide grin, and soon she was back to work, the crushing tension she had been feeling before her time off now evaporated.

Work was, well….work. It kept her busy, distracted, and presented enough of a challenge that she didn't find herself dwelling on Ezra's absence as much as she might have otherwise. There were still meetings, inspections, training, and other boring and monotonous tasks, but without the stress of her own self-doubt, she found herself able to adapt better, think clearer, and even interact with native Lothalians on a level that was almost approaching friendly.

But she also knew that as time passed, she would find herself entering a new phase of life. In the year and half since beginning her stint as supervising consultant and all around go-to badass for the Lothal Planetary Defense Force, she, with the help of many dedicated volunteers, had managed to piece together something that was almost resembling a respectful military. It still shocked her how much progress had been made in such a relatively short time. The first batch of a hundred or so specially chosen recruits had been trained by her and a few other skilled individuals, and were poised to become the leaders of tomorrow. They in turn trained hundreds more, and then thousands. On her last inspection tour, Sabine's heart swelled with pride as the soldiers-not a rabble of fighters, but honest to goodness _soldiers_ -performed their drills for her observation. It was working. They actually stood a chance.

Her heart swelled with something else, too: a bittersweet sensation that she might just be working herself out of a job. Sooner or later, there wouldn't be much left to teach them. She already found that she had a little more free time than usual; just a day off here and there, but even that was something that was well out of the ordinary given the history of her hectic life.

Which led her of course, to this morning. Sabine wasn't really the sleeping-in type, even when afforded the opportunity. So, when the alarm went off, she woke as usual, ready to don her armor and head to the brand new Central City Military Complex. But she stopped mid-routine, realizing that there was no need. Instead, she just laid there, letting her thoughts turn in on herself.

It was an idea that had come to her not long after she made her final decision never to leave this planet. An idea inspired by, of course, by Ezra Bridger-more to the point, his messages to her and the other Specters. Sabine had toyed with writing in a diary when she was much younger, and as most young girls do, had fallen out of the habit as she grew into a woman. But the concept intrigued her now once again. Not a diary exactly, but something along those lines. Messages for Ezra, for herself, for whoever came after. Something tangible to leave to others to inform them why she was here, and why it meant so much to her. And if the day came when Ezra might see them, maybe it could be a way for her to tell him all the things she had meant to, but never gotten around to actually doing while he was here.

Sabine rose to her feet and stepped out of the luxurious bed, still wondering why she had waited so long to just move into the bedroom.

' _Because it's his bedroom'_ the usual thought came, but now with an addendum. _'When he comes home and wants it, he can tell me to get out himself…or not'_. The last part made her blush even though no one was around to see it.

 _Those_ sorts of thoughts were a relatively new addition to her as well. Or maybe just her willingness to entertain them for more than a split second before laughing them off.

 _'Me and Ezra…in the same bed…'_ she thought wistfully while brushing her teeth.

No, that was getting ahead of herself. Do the job. Get him home. Those goals came first; they had to. Anything beyond that made her head spin.

Sabine left the refresher and entered the kitchen, pulling a package of cereal from the cupboard and a jogun fruit from the now-empty bowl she kept on the counter. She needed to go shopping. The fruit bowl wasn't the only thing that was bare, and this rare day off did present a good chance to do some much-neglected errands.

While munching on the cereal, her eyes fell upon another object that had been neglected lately, though this one out of stubborn choice: Ezra's data pad. His message. And maybe soon, _her_ messages. She had been putting it off for weeks, months even. She knew she had to do it, but she always made some excuse to put it off another day. She had to work, it was raining, she was sore, she had her own training to do, and on and on. It wasn't that she didn't want to make them exactly; part of her desperately wanted nothing more. She just didn't know how to begin.

But this morning was shaping up to be one of many rarities as the idea of shopping brought another thought to her mind.

The market…

There were many markets on Lothal, and it seemed like a new commercial center was spouting up every day now that they were out from under the Empire's thumb. But there was one market in particular that held her interest. The one where all of this had begun.

* * *

Sabine set the small holo-recorder on the ledge and removed her helmet, suddenly overcome with a bashful reluctance. Her hair, now down to the middle of her back, whipped in the breeze freely and tickled her neck.

"Ezra… I…" she started, clearing her throat and pausing the recorder to wipe her eyes.

"Ezra, umm hey" She started again lamely, looking at the small camera eye and regretting this whole stupid idea. She quickly turned the device around and pointed it at the market place, the very same where they had first met.

"I don't know where you are right now, or what's keeping you from coming back to m…us, but I just wanted you to know….it worked. Lothal is free. There hasn't been a sign of a single Imperial ship since the day you…since the day you saved us. The people…what can I say. They're happy. Alive. And they have you to thank for that. They don't know it yet, but when you come back I'll make sure they do. We'll have a big party for you. Everyone will be there. Maybe we can have an Ezra Bridger day or…I'm sorry I'm rambling. I just…I just wish you could be here to see it. Everything you did for them. For us."

"Hera misses you. She tells me that every time we talk. It's not very often but…well you know how she is. Always something to do, even more these days. I'm sure Zeb misses you too but all he ever does is grunt whenever someone brings you up. He got promoted. Him and Kallus are off doing their own thing more often now, from what Hera tells me, but they try to keep the crew together as much as they can. Especially now that Hera…well I'll let her explain that to you herself. Let's just say, we're a family again."

Sabine sighed, the recorder still taking in images from the bustling metropolis below.

"I remember the first time we found you here. Right here. Well right there actually" she said, pointing the camera to the corner where Ezra had jumped onto the speeder bike, ready to flee with is ill-gotten crates of blasters, and right into her life.

"You were such a….jerk. I know I told you a million times. But you made my blood boil. All your stupid comments and flirting. Trying to be smooth with me. I swear I told Hera to kick you off more than once or I'd walk…..but she never did. And well…neither did I. I guess maybe she had a talk with you, or Kanan did. Because you stopped being such an ass after that. Well mostly. You're still an ass, even bigger than before. And you still make my blood boil. When you come back home you'd better have a damn good reason to be gone or you'll be sorry I still have your lightsaber. Just come back home. Lothal is exactly the way it should be. The way you deserved to have it. Just come back"

She hit the stop button and immediately moved her thumb to erase the silly message. This whole plan was stupid. Here she was, a fully grown Mandalorian woman whining into a holo diary like a little girl.

' _If he ever actually sees this, he'll probably leave again, and laughing this time'_

She tapped 'save' and shut the device off.

* * *

Sabine sat in the grass, enjoying the last bit of warm morning sun before winter. The seasons would be changing again soon, and she wanted to spend as much time outdoors as she could before the snow. Not that she minded snow exactly, not given where she'd grown up, but it was still nice to enjoy a rare warm autumn day.

Sketchpad and colored pencils in hand, she laid down in the soft grass, staring up into the clear blue sky and feeling…content. It was a feeling that didn't grace her often and she wanted to enjoy it before her worries and insecurities scared it away. Tomorrow's problems were for tomorrow, and for now, she just wanted to enjoy another day off.

A gentle breeze blew across the plain, rustling the grass and causing her hair to dance pleasantly around her neck. The wind died down after several moments…but the rustling did not.

"I was wondering when you'd show up" Sabine said aloud to the intruder.

A playful 'meow' was her only answer.

Sabine rose to a sitting position in time to see the grass part in front of her, and two familiar faces emerged. "Hello," she greeted warily, drawing out the word.

The lothcats blinked lazily at her. The smallest of the two took a slow step forward. He—Sabine decided this one was a he—had a scar running across his nose and the tip of one floppy ear was missing a considerable chunk. Sabine hummed. "You look like you've seen some things."

She tore a piece of the bread she had brought for lunch and held it in her upturned palm. "Me, too."

The raggedy cat approached her gingerly, taking her offering. To her surprise, he took it and trotted back to his friend, sharing the morsel. She laughed. "Looks like somebody taught you some manners. Or else you learned them the hard way."

A smug-sounding meow was the only reply she received. Sabine rested her chin on one drawn-up knee, watching the two lothcats as they started batting and swatting at each other, rolling playfully in the grass. The raggedy one kept an eye on her and sat up abruptly in the middle of his wrestling match, staring.

"What?" She asked, unnerved. Of course, Raggedy Cat didn't answer, but he walked over to her. He bumped her knee with his head and then rubbed his cheek on her leg repeatedly. She made a disgusted sound, but didn't swat him away. "You know that fur doesn't launder out the first time, right?"

She could have sworn that he shrugged; he didn't move away from her, at any rate. He kept rubbing his cheek on her until she scratched between his ears. "You're not as mangy as you look. And you're certainly a lot nicer than the last time we met," she said grudgingly. "But this isn't a regular thing, so. Tell your friend."

The cat meowed, bumping her one last time before he turned and walked away. He meowed something to his friend, and the other cat looked at Sabine, head tilted.

"I don't need you two gossiping about me," she called to them. She was more than happy to be alone on the empty plain, well aware of how idiotic she sounded carrying on a conversation with two lothcats. She shook her head. "Ingrates." She thought of how Ezra would have gotten a kick out of a feral cat trying to make nice with her. "You know, you two fuzzballs just gave me an idea. I guess you aren't so annoying after all".

She tossed the remainder of the food into the grass and smiled as the two cats bounded after it, fighting with each other playfully. With one more long look at the pair, she returned to the tower to get her speeder. She drove for the better part of an hour, stopping when she reached the destination she had in mind. She got out and closed her eyes, remembering a time when she'd visited here before.

* * *

Sabine stood in a wide-open field, the landscape only broken by the occasional boulder or small hill, each indistinguishable from the next. At a passing glance, this place seemed no different from any other, that it held no special significance to anyone. But it did.

"Hey Ez…I uhh made something for you." Sabine moved the camera to point at one of the boulders, showing a painted scene of several lothcats playing in tall grass.

"I know it's kind of silly. But I was in a silly mood and you weren't here to make fun of me so there. I don't even know why I'm making these. I guess it kind of helps to…I don't know…talk…to you? Well not to you..but shut up I know you're laughing right now. I'm trying to talk to you and I already know you're being a jerk about it. Don't think I don't know you Ezra."

"I guess I wanted to come here because….well…I wanted to thank you. The first time we were here was the first time I actually let you watch me paint. And I remember it because…it was the first time I could remember having real actual fun since I left the Academy. And yes, I said let you watch me paint, not us painting because you know you were terrible. You got half of the paint I gave you on your hands and the other half on what I'd already done on the TIE. And then you kept asking me all those stupid questions. 'Hey Sabine, what's your favorite color?' 'Hey Sabine, did you think I looked cool training with Kanan?' 'Hey Sabine, did you know I'm a stupid jerk face who sucks at painting and is even worse with flirting?'"

Sabine paused, imagining the disparaging glare Ezra might have when he heard that last part.

"Ok," she admitted with a laugh. "You didn't say that last one, but you should have. At least it would have been honest. You are a terrible painter and your flirting was just…ugh. I should have been tougher with Hera. We could have thrown you off the ship right here. But I do have to hand it to you….it was fun."

"When you come back, I'll bring you back here. Maybe give you another lesson. Hopefully you've learned to be less of an di'kut while you're gone. Maybe all that lightsaber training helped your hand-eye coordination. _Manda_ knows you need it. You can tell me about any new animals you found and we can paint them right here. You probably made best friends with them all already. Oh remind me when you watch this that I still have to smack you for getting kriffing lothcat hair all over my armor when we were stealing that Defender. And don't tell me you didn't do anything, I know you can tell those little fuzz demons what to do and they'll listen to you."

Sabine walked over to the boulder wall and added a few last-minute details to her work that she'd missed, noting that she was now well in view of the camera lens.

"Not word about the hair either. Yes I know you said you liked it, and I still want an explanation for how you saw me with it out like this" she said, turning around to glare at the recorder. "Besides, I'm not growing it for you. I just…wanted something different. Long hair gets in the way of my helmet, and there isn't much reason to wear that all the time around here now, thanks to you. So I'm giving it a try."

She walked back over to the recorder and moved the camera so it could get a better shot of the open landscape. "There, a little taste of home for you"

"Anyways, there's still a few old TIEs laying around from before. You sent the Empire away with their tails between their legs and they left all their junk behind. Most of it has been taken apart for scrap already, but there's a few left. Maybe I'll let you fly one here and you can watch me paint 'Screw the Empire Part Two' by Sabine Wren on it. We can put it out in front of my tow…your tower. Sort of a monument to how amazing I am. You know you'll love to see it every day when you wake up."

Sabine sat down in the grass and moved the recorder back to see her face.

"I should probably tell you…because I know you'll find out eventually when you come home…but I'm kind of staying in your tower right now. And I might have made a few…modifications. You can change it all back when you get home if you want. I kind of get a little stir crazy up there all the time by myself…"

Sabine ducked her head down, brushing her long hair in front of her face while she wiped her eyes.

"Well I'm not always by myself, you don't have to worry about me or anything. You know me, I like the peace and quiet. It's not bad. I get to see the whole city from there. You're gonna be amazed when you see how far things have come. They already started construction on a new Central Tower. Last I heard it should be done within the year. Maybe you'll be back before its finished and we can see it together. Think they'll let me paint something for the grand opening?"

* * *

Sabine groaned as she pushed the couch the remainder of the distance across the living room floor. The space she had set aside for training was normally more than enough in the lofty tower apartment, but for what she had in mind today, she needed more. A lot more. Spring would be arriving soon, she hoped, but the traces of wet slushy snow on the ground outside made training outdoors not exactly her idea of a good time.

She stood up, wiping sweat from her brow and surveyed the now large open space in the living room. It looked like it just might be big enough.

Sabine looked across the room at her helmet, sitting at its customary place right by the door, and decided not to wear it for this sort of training. She had fully intended on wearing her entire set of armor for this, but as she dwelt on what she was about to do, it just didn't feel right. Instantly coming to a decision, she quickly walked to the bedroom and then reemerged a minute later wearing only her usual workout pants and a bright orange t shirt. Something told her the owner of the shirt wouldn't mind her wearing it, especially not for this.

Her blasters and armor discarded, she walked slowly back to the middle of the living room and felt her only remaining weapon resting comfortably at her side. Sabine and this particular weapon had quite a bit of history. It had saved her life, and the lives of her family, on many occasions, both in her hands and in another's. She'd cherished it like a family heirloom and hated it for the bitter memories it gave her. She'd considered throwing it in the trash on one occasion, and knew she'd spend her own life to keep it safe on many others.

But through all of that, she had never really considered it _hers._ She couldn't. If she kept it herself for the next hundred years, it would no more become her own than it was now. But in another sense, she also knew it would always be a part of her life. Close by, ready to be used by her or its true owner, in defense of those she loved, as it had been for the past three years. Ever since it came into her hands.

Sabine reached for her hip and gently unclasped the lightsaber hilt, feeling its familiar weight in her hands. She'd carried it at her side, never more than a step away from her if not on her person, ever since the day Chopper had given it to her. That was also the last time it had been ignited. It just never felt… _right_ for her to pretend that it was something she could do with as she pleased. It had been given to her, but it hadn't been _given_ to her. So she carried it with her, a physical representation of an unspoken promise. A Jedi and his lightsaber went hand in hand, and her Jedi was without his right now. He would be coming back for it, and nothing would stop her from being ready for that day.

Sabine moved her feet and gingerly assumed a Form I opening stance, just as Kanan had taught her. Leaving the blade deactivated for the time being, she moved through the motions that at one time seemed so alien to her, but she found that she recalled now almost effortlessly.

She closed her eyes as she moved, picturing the sand- dusted wilderness of Atollon around her. She could almost hear his voice in her mind as she went through the saber forms.

' _Feet apart, shoulders back….block high'_

She moved with the voice, following its long past instructions.

' _Block low…now follow up, attack high'_

Sabine followed, but no longer hearing Kanan. It was Ezra who was coaching her. She could hear his voice as clearly as if he was standing next to her.

The green blade leapt from the hilt with a hiss and her eyes shot open, looking around frantically. She was still alone. Thunder rumbled in the distance as a storm that couldn't decide if it wanted to be rain or snow pelted the tower windows.

Sabine extinguished the blade with a sigh. She looked down at the object in her hands, noticing the smooth silver metal and black grip. She'd only seen a few lightsabers in her life, which was arguably a lot more than most people, but it always struck her how _plain_ they were. She had actually said as much to Ezra once, and he surprisingly agreed. Though that was back when he was still in his stupid puppy love phase, so she couldn't really be sure if he agreed with her, or if he was just agreeing because it was _her._ But in any case, every saber she'd seen had been custom matched to the individual, but lacked a certain _something_ that would really set it apart. Kanan's, both of Ahsoka's, the Darksaber, even the twin bladed sabers of the Inquisitors were all monochromatic and dull. All some form of white, black, or grey. Maybe it had something to do with the whole 'light side/dark side' philosophy stuff they were all so keen on. That wasn't really Sabine's department. Ezra though…she didn't know much about the Jedi, but she thought she knew enough now that he probably didn't quite fit the mold. Kanan hadn't either for that matter, which to the Mandalorian in her, that was a good thing. She knew now those old stories she had been told must have been colored by a fair amount of Mandalorian pride and bias, but still, legends often had some truth to them. The Jedi of old probably wouldn't have recognized Kanan or Ezra as one of their own, and Sabine found she didn't mind that one bit.

' _Should I really…'_ she wondered to herself, but her feet were already moving to the bedroom closet.

Several minutes later, Sabine sat cross legged in the center of the living room, eyes intent on the silver cylinder in her hands. A wide variety of paints, brushes, and spray applicators were spread out before her. She knew what she wanted to do, she even knew she was going to do it. She just wasn't quite sure if it was the right thing. He _had_ told her that he wouldn't mind it once, but that was a long time ago. Before everything just went so…wrong.

' _Well Ezra, I told you I would. It just took a little longer than either of us thought'_

Sabine reached for the first small brush, then paused. There was one more thing she had to do. It had only just occurred to her now, but she knew the time was right.

She set the brush back down, then laid the silver hilt delicately next to it. With one last deep breath, she stood up and retrieved the holo-recorder from her bag, setting it on the floor in front of her makeshift art studio, and tapped the 'record' button.

"Remember that one time I told you I thought it was dumb how lightsaber hilts are so plain and impersonal? I mean, you should—I'm pretty sure I went on about it for like ten minutes." She folded herself in the floor and turned the recorder toward the lightsaber and paints and brushes. "Well," she said resolutely, "about that."

She turned the recorder around, looking into the camera as if she was making direct eye contact with him. "I hope you won't mind. I know that a Jedi's lightsaber is something sacred. I'm not making light of that. I just—" She stopped, gnawing her lip. "I know _you_ , too, and I know that you like things with a little bit of…flair. On Mandalore, we embrace that individuality and carry it with us proudly. I, um…" She trailed off, picking up the saber and turning it over and over in her hand. "This is my way of carrying you with me. And I was sort of thinking…when you get back, maybe this can be a way for you to carry a bit of me with you too."

Sabine reached back for the brush she had set down, then looked shrewdly at her wide variety of colors to choose from. She knew it would have to be something that complimented Ezra, but she also knew as an artist that she had to put a bit of herself into it as well.

"Alright, so. Consider this your first lesson in art. Well your first _real_ lesson since you might actually be mature enough to understand me now. For the color think I will go with…." She trailed off as her eyes searched the paints.

"Perfect" she said, reaching for a small tube and holding it up for the camera.

"This is called _celeste_. It's a lighter shade of blue that makes a great base coat. It's important to have colors contrast but not be too jarring. They need to go together. Complement each other. Like people. While we're on that topic" she said, gesturing at the shirt she was wearing " _you_ have an unhealthy obsession with the color orange. When you get back, we're going shopping. And I don't wanna hear any guff from you about it either. I've seen how you dress. If you expect to have me at your side all the time with your goofy carrot colored outfits, you're kidding yourself."

Sabine began laying down the _celeste_ paint in smooth even strokes over the hilt of the saber, making sure not to cover all of the exposed metal. Silver did still make for a great accent, and she didn't want to lose that. She held it up for the camera.

"So you see here how I blended the blue around the grip and housing, but didn't just cover the whole thing? It's called finesse Ezra. Some things take a light touch and it's easy to go overboard. You put too much on and you ruin the whole thing. You know, that's not bad advice for other things either…maybe learn to appreciate when less is more? How to be tactful? I'm just saying, you might find that certain situations go a lot better if you take a more…delicate approach. Just keep that in mind, ok?"

Sabine set the brush down and admired her work while it dried. These paints only took about a minute to set fully, but it still gave her a moment to think.

"I hope you don't mind…I was training with this earlier." She said absentmindedly, only partially aware she was even still recording.

"I guess that's what gave me the idea to do this. Anyways, I noticed something odd. When I turned it on, it didn't feel...weird or anything. Remember when I had the Darksaber, and it needed a while for it to 'connect' to me or whatever? That didn't happen with this. I know I've used it before, so maybe that was it. Who knows? But it just felt...perfect I guess? Ugh that sounds stupid. You probably know what I'm talking about. I'm just saying it seemed to fit me just right. And I don't know what that means. I'm hoping it doesn't throw anything off for you when you get it back. Just an FYI, you might wanna do some training with it yourself when you get home just in case it needs to reconnect with you or something"

The paint dry, Sabine looked around for a color she knew would be just right.

"Back to business. This color is called _zaffre._ It's a lot darker and richer than _celeste,_ and it works really well for adding depth. It really draws the eyes. It demands attention. It's a noble and proud shade of blue that I think will work nicely. Come to think of it, it looks a lot like your eyes…Huh. Well it is your lightsaber. I guess that's fitting" she said. She gave the camera a small smile before setting to work.

Sabine began tracing thin ornate lines along the hilt, drawing something she couldn't quite put her finger on, but that seemed very familiar to her. Straight bold lines were joined by circles, then sprouted off in different directions only to join other circles, some big, some small. As the design took shape, so did the memory which inspired it. The Temple. It reminded her of the painting on the Jedi Temple. The circles and lines there had represented different worlds, and pathways to each of them, if what Ezra had told her of his experiences inside were accurate.

When she was finished, she held it for the camera to see.

"I guess I don't need to explain to you what gave me this idea. You know more than I do about all that." She said wistfully, remembering one of the last times they had been a team.

"I was thinking about going out there sometime. Seeing if there was anything left. Now that the Empire is gone and it's safer, we might have missed something. I know we all saw it vanish, but…I don't know. It's probably silly, but part of me really wants to check to make sure. You said that it was a way to go to different worlds, that it showed you people that meant a lot to you, like Kanan and Ahsoka. That there was a way to bring someone back… I was thinking maybe if I could find a way to…"

Sabine sniffled and wiped her eye, turning away from the camera and wishing she had never turned it on. If he saw her like this, she knew he would laugh, think she was being childish and naive. Too sentimental.

' _No he wouldn't…'_ the thought came to her, pushing the others aside, and she knew this one was true. He'd never thought that about her. They'd joked and made fun of each other more times than she could count, but there had never been a trace of malice in it. If he saw her like this right now, laughing would be the last thing he'd do.

Sabine cleared her throat and wiped her face one more time. "Sorry, I was…anyways. For the last part, I think I will go with something dazzling. Something that goes really well with blue. And no, not orange, don't even say it. Though you're not far from the mark I guess. Blue and orange do make quite a pair. But I can do one better than that."

She held up a tiny vial of bright gold metallic paint.

"This, obviously, is gold. What might not be obvious is that it's actually gold. Like the metal. Yes, it cost a fortune, and you can shower me with praise and thanks for wasting it on you when you come home. But I mean really, how could I not?" she said, smirking She smirked at the camera lens.

"Blue and gold are the perfect matched set. Gold is bright, fiery, full of energy and spirit, while blue is deeper, quieter, more stable and reliable. One makes you feel like you can go out into the galaxy, anywhere you want, do anything you want, be anyone you choose, while the other reminds you that you always have a place to come home to. Gold like the stars out there, blue like the sky back here."

She dipped her smallest brush into the vial and began dabbing the tiny hints of gold onto the hilt, flowing next to one of the thin blue lines here, filling in a circle there.

"I was thinking…when you come home, I kind of had an idea" Sabine said quietly while she worked. "I know we didn't have a lot of time for more training, before you…well…And I know I don't have the Darksaber anymore, but I was gonna ask you. Would you mind giving me a few more lessons?"

Sabine looked right up at the camera and glared.

"Don't even say it. Yes, I'm asking you for help. Don't rub it in. I know I can kick your ass in everything from shooting to hand to hand any day of the week, and twice on Primeday. But…unlike one of us, I'm mature enough to admit that there might be a few things that I could use a little help with. And this—" Sabine held the saber up "—is one of them".

"You never said anything, but I know the only reason why I was able to defeat Saxon was because he didn't know what he was doing. He swung the Darksaber around like a first-year cadet, and I just had better training. And yes, that's thanks to you and Kanan."

Sabine continued putting the finishing touches of gold on the hilt as she continued.

"You know I've never been one for compliments or mushy stuff. Giving or receivingthem. But that doesn't mean I didn't think about that stuff. I guess I was just too…tightly wound or something to ever let myself really get into all that. I still remember it all though. All the times you tried to tell me my art was amazing, or that you liked whatever I did with my hair that week. We both know you didn't know enough about art or fashion to know what you were talking about, but it was touching. I never thanked you for that."

Sabine set the finished saber down on the ground in front of her and looked back at the recorder.

"So this is my chance to let myself do what I should have done then. First: thank you Ezra. Thank you for trying. You didn't always say the right things at the right time, and your compliments made me mad as much as they made me happy, but I know now what you were trying to do. And I appreciate it. I was too young and stupid to see it then, but you were really trying. So, for all of that, thank you. For being my friend, for always trying to pick me up, even when it meant putting yourself down. For supporting me every chance you had and sticking with me even when I did everything I could to make it difficult for you. Your patience has paid off. And yes, when you come home, I _will_ even allow you to gloat about that."

Sabine cleared her throat, which was beginning to feel scratchy and clogged.

"And second: I want to return the favor. You probably thought I wasn't paying attention the whole time. _Manda_ knows I tried to make it seem that way. But I was. Honestly it was hard not to. We got to grow up together and…well…you did grow up. Now it's my turn to compliment you. You'll probably replay this part a million times, and I can't say I'd blame you. It's all the stuff I should have told you then."

"Ezra Bridger, you…you became the kind of man I'd always hoped you'd be. You inspired me, comforted me, protected me, and trusted me. You went from being a dorky kid with a slingshot to a cunning warrior who could give even the best Mandalorians a run for their money. You grew from being a selfish, intolerable pest, to a wise and caring man. And not a day goes by where I don't wish I could have you back again. When you come home, I promise right now that I'll start putting as much effort into our friendship that you were all that time. You deserve it, and I'm sorry again that I never took the time to show you."

Sabine's face grew hot and she could feel her blush deepening. The air in the room, which felt chilled and empty before, was now stuffy and seemed as if was pressing down on her from all sides.

"And that's enough of that for now. I'm sorry, there is more I want to say, but it's gonna have to wait. I'm still new at all this emotional stuff. Maybe I'll make another one of these recordings, or maybe, you'll get your ass home and I can tell you in person. Until next time, Specter Five out" Sabine concluded with her trademark smirk, and shut off the recording.

* * *

The charred remains of the central fuel tank could still be seen in the center of the park. It had been left untouched as a testament to the way things had been, and what had occurred there. Sabine stood alone at the entrance to the garden, her heart racing with last minute nerves. She'd passed by the site, years ago, when work was still being done to clear the area. But she'd never actually set foot in the place, not since the night the fuel pod in front of her had exploded in rain of fire and snatched away the life of one who was dearer to her than words could describe.

It was near dusk now, a fitting enough time for what she intended to do, and the few patrons of the memorial seemed to be making their way to the exit. No one was speaking, and she saw only contemplative looks, even on the faces of the few children who had been brought by their parents to pay homage to what this place represented.

The city, like the planet itself, was slowly healing, and bright smiles could be seen far more often on the citizens where before Sabine saw only fear. But some wounds take a great deal of time to heal, and for these people, it would be many more years before the stain the Empire had left on the planet, and their souls, could be wiped away. But the process had started, and things which many had been thinking for many years, but kept to themselves out of fear of retribution, were finally being said proudly and openly. This memorial was once such instance. Where once stood an implacable symbol of the Empire's war machine, now stood a symbol for something greater. It was a memorial to one man. A man who had stood up when all others cowered. Who had defied that war machine and sacrificed himself for his family, for love, and for what was right. And he had paid the ultimate price, right here.

Sabine's light footsteps carried her along the path, through the calm expanse of grass and trees, towards the towering remains of the fuel pod. A simple archway was set at the end of the path, leading into the fuel pod itself. Next to the gate rested a simple plaque.

" _It's not whether or not we fight, it's how we choose to fight that matters"_

Sabine reached out to touch the plaque and whispered "You did it Kanan. We made it. Because of you."

Sabine felt a sudden rush of energy, a light tingling along her skin, like a warm blanket had been wrapped around her, shutting out the cool night air and filling her with warmth and serenity. She could do this.

Sabine stepped through the archway and into the wide bowl of the fuel pod. But where once was only scorched and twisted metal, something else had taken its place. And it made her gasp.

The bottom of the bowl had been filled with dirt, and flowers and trees, too many for her to even describe, had not just grown, but thrived. Insects and birds chirped and clicked around her, and the faint glow of fireflies could be seen drifting through the trees and flowers. For several moments, Sabine was simply too mesmerized to continue.

She was finally able to walk forward, taking the narrow circular path around the inner circumference of the garden to the rear, where a small bench was set amidst the greenery. She withdrew the datapad from her pouch and set it on the seat next to her, bringing up the holo-recording screen.

Sabine simply sat for uncounted minutes, taking in the beautiful sights and feeling the life around her. In this place, there was no war, no danger, no threat of Imperial domination. Only life. But there was one thing missing. The thing that was always missing for her. The man who should be sharing this moment with her, but for whom fate had other plans. Sabine reached out and began to record.

"I just need to get this out there Ezra. Before anything happens and I don't get a chance to tell you in person. I should have…I'm sorry. I need to tell you that I'm sorry. For what happened…to Kanan. I want to say that I didn't have time to tell you. To talk to you…but that's a lie. I had time. I should have come to you. That night we were all just…well you remember what it was like. I was just so damned angry. They took him from us. They took him from Hera. But that's no excuse. I stormed off like an idiot, with Zeb right behind me, ready to go get some payback. Because I'm stupid and impulsive and a terrible friend. I didn't even think Ezra. I have to be honest with you now…because I couldn't be before. I was a terrible friend to you. I know, you're saying that I wasn't and that I'm not and all the sweet things you always say when I'm feeling down. Just let me say this and then you can go on telling me I'm wrong and how amazing you think I am like always. Just…let me say this"

Sabine leaned her head down, resting it in her hands. Partly to wipe away the tears that were forming in her eyes, and partly to collect herself for what she had to say. She took another deep breath and sat back up, her voice regaining some of its strength.

"When I got back with Zeb, you were still gone. I guess having another one of your weird little spirit journeys with the wolves. You came back with that tablet a few hours later. You weren't there for it. I….I saw her Ezra. I saw Hera…she was, _Manda_ forgive me it was horrible. I'd never seen her like that before. What she lost….all of us going off to get vengeance or whatever it is you were doing. But what she was going through…and we didn't even try to talk to her. And I never tried talking to you. Everything about that night was…is…just so wrong. I know what he meant to you Ezra…because he was the same for me. The way I felt... I know it was worse for you. And I didn't even try."

"That's what I need to say I'm sorry for Ezra. For not being there for you when I had the chance. For not seeing how losing him changed Hera. How it broke her. And how losing…you…like this would change me. I was wrong and when you come home I'll say it again. I should have been there for you, like you were with me. You saved my family Ezra. You saved my father and you lost yours. Both of yours. And you were always there to tell me things would get better, that I was stronger than I thought, better than I thought, that you would always have my back and never let me down. And you didn't…even at the end, you didn't. But I let you down Ezra. That night we lost Kanan…and again when you left."

Sabine stood up and looked around the arboretum, the pain of her own words still searing her heart, like a bandage being torn off new skin. But the pain was already beginning to ebb, and she knew that she had done what needed to be done. Or at least, very nearly. There was one more thing she had to say.

"I can't promise you that I'll always be good enough for you. I can't say that I'll always be able to earn what you did for us, but I can promise I'll try. When you come home, I'll try. I hope that can be enough"

* * *

Sabine shut the engine of her speeder off, and at once the mechanical whine was replaced by an eerie silence, punctuated only by the distant howl of wind through the valleys. She knew this place. She had never wanted to come back, but at some point throughout this process, one that had now taken several years, she had realized that it would have to take her here. This had been the beginning of the end. The place where she felt she had started making the mistakes that would come to dominate the rest of her life.

She stepped off the speeder and looked around the site. All around her the strange conical mountains rose to meet the already darkening evening sky. Orange and tan dust swirled around her feet in the wind and the air tasted of sand and rust.

Sabine began walking up the narrow mountain path towards her final destination. She kept her eyes down, telling herself it was because she needed to watch the uneven ground below her.

As she neared the remains of the base camp, small bits of the long past battle began appearing beneath her feet. A warped and burned piece of metal, the grip of an Imperial blaster sticking out of the sand. A white plastoid glove, bits of red around the wrist, laying forgotten amongst the rocks.

She continued making her way up the side of the mountain to where the old rebel camp, long abandoned and neglected, laid nestled between the boulders. Rusted supports and broken platforms still marked the sides of the cliffs, and far below her rested the hulking wreck of the mining crawler. She could barely see bits of green between the pieces of shattered hull; nature was already hard at work to reclaim the area and before long, nothing would be left.

Sabine stepped off the walkway into the main section of the camp. Hardly anything of value was left. Rebels, scavengers, or daring teenagers must have come out to the site to pick it clean not long after the battle. From the crude graffiti on the walls, she guessed at least some of the planet's youth had found this hidden refuge. She gave a critical look to the haphazard streaks of paint and scoffed. "Amateurs" she muttered.

Still, the graffiti was of an anti-Imperial slant, so she couldn't fault their motivations. But broken wrecks and art criticism wasn't the reason why she had come back to this place. Sabine walked along the narrow path through the camp, running her hand along the rough walls, letting the sensation bring back memories of that day. It pained her to remember what had happened, and what came next, but she needed to feel it now. She had to force herself to experience the agony of regret if she were to have the conviction to make this last recording.

She arrived finally at an opening in the valley. A low flat platform of rock that overlooked a clearing of tall grass. This was the place. She could almost see him where he had been kneeling before…before it all began tumbling out of control.

She gingerly approached the spot she remembered, setting the recorder down on the brown rock and kneeling down in a position not unlike Ezra's meditation pose. She couldn't achieve the same results of meditation as he could, lacking any connection to the Force herself, but it did help clear her mind and bring her intentions into focus. She turned the recorder on.

"I guess this my last stop. My last chance to tell you what I should have then. I was going to. You probably sensed it. The way you looked at me, you must have seen it. You must have known what I was feeling and what I wanted to say. But you didn't push me. You stopped pushing me like that years ago. I wish you hadn't. I wish you would have given it one more try. I would have said…."

Sabine brushed her hair in front of her face, as if to shield her eyes from him, but reconsidered and looked straight into the camera.

"But this is my second chance right? The whole reason I'm making these stupid holos. I didn't even know why I was doing it, but this was really the reason the whole time. To tell you what I should have told you then. Maybe if I had…you…you would still be here. With me. Yes, Ezra with _me_. Not with Hera or Zeb or anyone else. Me. I need you here and now you're gone. You don't know how horrible it is, every ship I see coming in, thinking it's you. Seeing your face in the crowd. Hearing your voice in our tower. I just…miss you so much Ezra. And you're not even here to let me show you. You aren't here to paint with me, to talk to me, to play your stupid pranks on me."

"I shouldn't have let you go. I should have been selfish. I should have told Hera what you were planning. I should have stunned you myself and never let you leave."

She angrily picked up a rock and made to throw it but, suddenly deflated and let her arm fall back to her side. "I know…it's stupid wishing I could change what happened. I know why you did what you did, and I know it was right. But it still feels so wrong. Every day I look at all these people living their lives, because of what you gave them, and what you took from me. I know it was worth it. I know you would do it again exactly the same way if you had to, and so would I. It was right, and that has to count for something. But it doesn't help Ezra. Not anymore. I told myself that I could deal with it. That you were out there and you were ok and that you're on your way back. But it's been four years Ezra. Four years. And you're still gone."

"I always thought there would be more time. Another chance after all the fighting was over. To finally let myself stop running and start feeling. But there wasn't. Right here, there was only a few hours left with you. Then I'd never see you again. I didn't know. But you did. You must have. You saw everything else. You said you saw multiple paths. Tell me Ezra, did you see one where I told you what I wanted to say? Did you see where that one led? Is that why you stopped me? Is that why we never said another word about it? Did you see us all…dying? Or escaping together? Living our lives together, but leaving Lothal to its fate?"

She tried to imagine a scenario where they'd done just that: left Lothal together and damn the consequences. Maybe they'd have been happy. Or maybe they'd have been eaten alive by the guilt. Maybe it would have split them apart. And that, Sabine mused, would have been worse than the time and space between them now. She sighed. Ezra had known exactly what he was doing when he entrusted Lothal to her.

"You can count on me? Well you can. I've done what you asked. Every bit and more. I've done the things you should be doing here with me. And when you come home you will. We will. Together. Because I'm never letting you leave me again Ezra Bridger. Not ever. Because…because I…need you with me. I don't want to see any other path in my life that doesn't have you right next to me. So you need to come home. To our home. To me."


End file.
